I hate being the nice guy . . . - Page 12 - Writers Forum

Ty_lol · 11-02-2007, 11:23 PM

I think I’m attracted to dead beats that are “attractive” enough for me and are somewhat easy to get along with. Sooner or later they get tired of me talking about finishing college, starting a career, and moving on with my life. They get scared, don’t know what to do, and eventually choose to just fuck up their life even more instead of doing something a bit more constructive with themselves.

ZachinaHat · 06-22-2008, 05:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kagechaos

Is this thread about being completely unable to get a date? If that's the case, I'm in!

I concur

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thoth

Some men ruin it for others. I prefer the shy girl next door type.

ditto, i am attracted to the nice, shy girls and the perky ones that no-one notices. The 'sluts' just get my pity or disdain.

a week ago at school we were doing a leadership? bonding thing and everyone had to write something about every one else and every girl wrote for me shy and a good friend....... every friggin' time

lilacstarflower · 06-22-2008, 06:53 AM

count me in

I got the opposite problem - it seems to be arrogant, self-obsessed ar**holes that are interested in me.

I just want a nice, considerate guy now

It used to be fun when the bad boy was interested. Maybe I'm just getting old

SeattleGhostWriter · 07-06-2008, 01:21 AM

I used to be a nice guy, always having the "girl" friends but never having a girlfriend.

But, times have changed. I am not the nice guy I was in the earlier years of my development and high school. I am not the nice guy I was when I was in my early twenties.

but, I am not a complete Donkey either.

What change? My outlook. Why worry about someone elses problems, self-perceptions and worth? Why am I focusing on trying to make someone else happy when I am miserable?

The fact is this, I had to grow up and I finally did. The hard way.

I don't go out of my way for women anymore. One reason is because I already have a wonderful lady in my life. (she calls me an a-hole at times, but that is only when my terminal illness called maleness disease sometimes comes out).

Even if I was single, I developed this type of attitude and self realization when it came to women and dating.

You take a lady out. She comes up with the conversation of "You are a nice guy.." I quickly have cut them off and said, "Yeah, yeah, heard it before and before you continue.... and you have to bring it up the but, then I am no longer interested in you. You seemed to be a nice girl, but if you can't handle me, just flat out say it, because I am not here to waste your time nor do I expect you to waste my time."

They never call me back. That is fine. If they don't then why worry about it? Why beat myself up over it? If a lady starts talking with me about her ahole boyfriend, I ask one simple question - why are you with him? When she lists off the reasons why she is with it, then I flat out and say, why are you complaining then? You are making the choice. This comes off as arrogant, yes, but it also puts them back on the spot of reflecting their own selfiish motives of being there with that person. I have come to the understanding that asking certain questions in certain ways will help the other person deal with their own underlying issues and not so much the outer issues.

Frankly, if I had given a lady a number and she says she will call, I don't wait around. When she does call a week, two weeks later or so and ask if she wants to go out, I say I am no longer interested. Two weeks ago I was, but I am not waiting around for anyone, been there done that.

The fact is, and the point I am making is that those "nice guys" like I was spend more of their time wondering why women are the way they are and why they can't convince them otherwise are wasting their time, emotions and life.

In short, grow up. Be a man and be yourself. Don't worry about why some lady is with an a-hole. Don't worry about trying to convince her you are her hero. Start living life and start focusing on what it is you are wanting and looking for and stand proud of who you are. If you are sensitive, passionate and creative express it. Some one will eventually notice it and you don't have to go through the woes is me nice guy lamentations.

RinK · 07-06-2008, 01:32 AM

Zombie, you are completely correct. Most girls are obsessed with the guys that think they are "all that." I see it every day among my friends, and, to be totally honest with you, I haven't the slightest clue why. I usually have to be the girl that rolls her eyes at her friends and tells them what idiots they are being, but then provides as a good shoulder to cry on after they all prove me right. Go figure.

All I can say is this: not all girls are attracted to the bad boys - some are, in truth, attracted to the "nice guys," though we are in the minority. Maybe you're just not looking in the right direction. There's probably some girl who's fallen for you, but you just don't notice her because you're too busy noticing all the girls that don't like you - and she will never admit it, because she sees all the girls you hang out with and comfort, and she figures she's not good enough for you.

Hehe. Let's just say I've walked far too many miles in those shoes.

And for those of you that have been dumped, I wish it was the nice guys that were after me. All I get are the jerks. LOL.

But don't worry; it won't last. Eventually they'll grow up and realize the mistakes they've made, and decide they don't want their heart broken anymore. Then you'll no longer have the "just friends" curse.

JosephB · 07-06-2008, 02:43 PM

I dunno. I think I was a "nice guy" when I was dating. My wife would likely tell you so. I never had a problem getting girlfriends. I think it was because I was a nice guy -- not in spite of it. I think this "girls prefer bad boys" may be true for some girls, but I think it's largley a myth.

Unless nice guy is some euphemism for dork.

AA · 07-06-2008, 03:00 PM

I've never been particularly nice. I've rarely been particularly mean. I think you'll find though that attraction has a lot less to do with "nice" and "mean" and a lot more to do with having a developed or underdeveloped personality. I think "nice" is really the default personality. If that's the first thing people say when they describe you, you probably aren't particularly funny, smart or cool. You're nice. If that's all you want people to know you as, great, you should be totally comfortable with that. If not, then perhaps the real problem is that you don’t have any resoundingly special qualities to your personality.

JosephB · 07-06-2008, 03:56 PM

I see what you mean. But I when think of nice, as it applies to relationships with women, I mean considerate and respectful -- not as some default personality.

HippoHead · 07-06-2008, 05:51 PM

lol, default personality.

Malone · 07-06-2008, 06:03 PM

I think a guy has to be really really good looking to pull off the asshole routine for any extended amount of time with one woman. And the woman most likely has daddy issues or some kind of childhood trauma if she enjoys being treated like shit. "Mean" only works in a playful flirting kind of way, and even then, be careful not to overdo it.

Matthatter · 07-06-2008, 06:37 PM

*Playfully elbows girl in the arm*

"Looks like you're enjoying your Hamburger, Fatty! You look like a retard."

simplicity · 07-06-2008, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malone

I think a guy has to be really really good looking to pull off the asshole routine for any extended amount of time with one woman. And the woman most likely has daddy issues or some kind of childhood trauma if she enjoys being treated like shit. "Mean" only works in a playful flirting kind of way, and even then, be careful not to overdo it.

you're the first person that I've ever heard/read put it like that. Personally, I think you're right. This quote made me smile.

Mermaid on the breakwater · 07-09-2008, 02:08 PM

Stop whining about being a nice guy. By whose judgement are you a nice guy? It's easy to be nice but to also have an air of mystery. A lot of guys tell the girl how much they like them or how good-looking they are, let them say those things to you first and then you can tell them they aren't bad either. Usually I wait for them to approach me, you might want to approach first, but whatever you do, don't be a "clingy nice guy" I wouldn't want that if I was a girl. Get a spinal column and go and have some fun.

The best looking girls go for the best looking guys generally, at least until they are of a certain age so don't set your sights too high. If they're looking your way then there's your cue Romeo.

You're obviously young if you're still at school and to be honest, nothing lasts at that age, so don't let it worry you.

tekp · 07-13-2008, 03:00 PM

Take comfort in the fact that in a few years' time (after uni etc) you're exactly the kind of guy girls will want, if not sooner if you find ones with any common sense

blackthorn · 07-15-2008, 07:56 PM

Aww man, I've been there. In fact, I think I still am!

Just practice a little patience. I believe that, one day, when you dare to make that tiny approach, one of your friend-girls will take you up on it