Thread: Facing fears :)

I am working on a case in which the father is a psychopath (I'm not just saying he acts like one, but he was classified as one). He (and his wife) have a new born baby and I have to assess the safety of that baby.

A few weeks ago I spoke with them for the first time and he completely walked all over me. Basically he intimidated me and it caught me by surprise so I backed down. I got scared really, the man has shown in the past to be capable of strong violence.

This week he tried that again and I didn't back down, but he did We had spoken for about half an hour about the task I had been given (by the court) to do in their family and he didn't agree with it as he was wrongly accused and stuff like that. His tone of voice was quite agressive, but he had said nothing out of line. Then this happened:

Father: You are in my home and I could do anything I want with you.

Me: Is that a threat? Because if it is I will have no other choice, but to report that to my manager. That would give me way too much paper work to do on a friday afternoon and you would end up in policecel being questioned about why you found it nessesary to threaten a Guardian (my legal tittle). I don't know if you know this but police officers tend to take threats to Guardians about as serious as they do threats to one of their own (which is true) so trust me it wouldn't be fun.

I felt perfectly calm and he backed down saying that he didn't mean it like that and of course it wasn't a thread. His tone of voice changed completely after that. I felt so good after I left that visit. Psychopath or not, I am not going to let this idiot stop me from doing my job.

good job, mistique. If there is the slightest hint of this type of behavior again, report it immediately!

I would still report it. Now he knows that he shouldn't threaten you because of the consequences that will happen after you leave, so next time he just might bypass those threats and go immediately into the 'do anything he wants' mode.

Originally Posted by alanmt

good job, mistique. If there is the slightest hint of this type of behavior again, report it immediately!

Thanks, I intend to do just that. My job may upset people, but it is not part of my job description that I need to allow myself to be threatened.

Originally Posted by Mike

I would still report it. Now he knows that he shouldn't threaten you because of the consequences that will happen after you leave, so next time he just might bypass those threats and go immediately into the 'do anything he wants' mode.

Manager has ruled against that. Just like management ruled against me going on home visits with a male colleague. They feel that it would turn this into a power struggle and this man is especially sensitive to that. Apparently it is supposed to be part of my professional skills to be able to assess when he goes into the 'do anything he wants' mode before he gets into that mode and get myself out or better prevent him from getting into that mode in the first place. Personally I think that might just be asking a little too much, but we will see.

Besides reporting this wouldn't change it. I would still have to go into his home alone next time and he could still go immediately into the 'do anything he wants' mode. For the time being I have to rely on the fact that he has more to gain from more or less cooperating, than he does from assaulting me and he is smart enough to know that.

Awesome, there are times when we have to stand our ground and assert ourselves. I am glad you found your footing and didn't let him get away with that. You have an important job to do and the safety of this innocent child depends on it, it's good to know you didn't back down to this so-called "man". Just be safe and wise.

Originally Posted by chimchimski

Awesome, there are times when we have to stand our ground and assert ourselves. I am glad you found your footing and didn't let him get away with that. You have an important job to do and the safety of this innocent child depends on it, it's good to know you didn't back down to this so-called "man". Just be safe and wise.

Yeah thanks. In the end I always think, if I feel this intimidated around this man, and I am a fairly assertive adult, what the hell is this kid gonna feel?

Mistique, I'm incredibly proud of you for not backing down. We had a very sad case here in my area where a little girl died of starvation...in a home where there was suspected abuse and the children protective services were supposed to be monitoring the family. The man of the house wasn't the little girl's biological father. The other children were fed and treated okay but this girl died at age 4, alone in an attic. The only thing they found in her digestive tract were a few seeds that she's apparently prised up from between the slats of the floor. I'll save the rest of the tale, it turns grisly after that, but the woman who was supposed to be monitoring the family had described the man of the house as 'intimidating' and said that the family must have passed off a neighbor girl as the one that died. What seems more likely is that she didn't actually see the children because of the intimidating presence of the guy.

So, again, good job. That's a difficult situation and you did really well.

Way to go, Mistique. Too bad there aren't more people with that kind of dedication and courage.

Recently in the news here, parents were arrested for neglecting their children, who were horribly obese, had rotted teeth, weren't sent to school and wore the same clothes for weeks.

And people were aware. Neighbors who were interviewed knew what was going on, more or less, and never reported the parents. Pretty sad.

Originally Posted by JosephB

Way to go, Mistique. Too bad there aren't more people with that kind of dedication and courage.

Recently in the news here, parents were arrested for neglecting their children, who were horribly obese, had rotted teeth, weren't sent to school and wore the same clothes for weeks.

And people were aware. Neighbors who were interviewed knew what was going on, more or less, and never reported the parents. Pretty sad.

yeah that happens more often. The public doesn't always take their responsibility. Hell, some of the time even the professionals don't. But there are lots of dedicated workers out there. Most workers I know are dedicated, its not as if this job is going to get us rich even though some people do like to claim that we remove kids from parents on a commision basis.

Originally Posted by Mistique

I would still have to go into his home alone next time and he could still go immediately into the 'do anything he wants' mode. For the time being I have to rely on the fact that he has more to gain from more or less cooperating, than he does from assaulting me and he is smart enough to know that.

What really puzzles me (and in your case worries me) is how this type must always know in some recess of their mind that doing the right thing is better for them in the long run, yet they still persist in the wrong behaviour. Another example is wife-bashing. Those retards surely must know what they’re doing is wrong, yet that knowledge isn’t enough to make them treat their wives with respect.

Maybe we need a return to the good old days. People toe the line or else. Men like this could have their balls cut off, no options. I’d vote for it. Eventually the message would sink in.

What really puzzles me (and in your case worries me) is how this type must always know in some recess of their mind that doing the right thing is better for them in the long run, yet they still persist in the wrong behaviour

A psychopath has no real understanding of right and wrong, they will go with the behaviour that produces the best result for them as they perceive it. If they are thick they will deal in short term gains, if you can make them see that in the long term the behaviour will be disadvantageous, as Mistique did, they will desist. Intelligent psychopaths would still use violence, or any other tool, if the odds of it leading to a successful outcome look good enough to them and it is an easier option. repeatedly doing the same thing that does not work is the mark of stupidity, but being stupid does not make a person a psychopath or visa versa.

Thanks Foxee

Yeah there are bad cases like that everywhere unfortunately.

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

What really puzzles me (and in your case worries me) is how this type must always know in some recess of their mind that doing the right thing is better for them in the long run, yet they still persist in the wrong behaviour. Another example is wife-bashing. Those retards surely must know what they’re doing is wrong, yet that knowledge isn’t enough to make them treat their wives with respect.

Maybe we need a return to the good old days. People toe the line or else. Men like this could have their balls cut off, no options. I’d vote for it. Eventually the message would sink in.

Yeah this man is a wife basher too. He hit his 8 month pregant wife twenty times on the head and the back of the neck. That is what got him into this mess in the first place and why the case was assigned to me.

Originally Posted by Olly Buckle

A psychopath has no real understanding of right and wrong, they will go with the behaviour that produces the best result for them as they perceive it. If they are thick they will deal in short term gains, if you can make them see that in the long term the behaviour will be disadvantageous, as Mistique did, they will desist. Intelligent psychopaths would still use violence, or any other tool, if the odds of it leading to a successful outcome look good enough to them and it is an easier option. repeatedly doing the same thing that does not work is the mark of stupidity, but being stupid does not make a person a psychopath or visa versa.

Yep I agree completely. For the time being he is trying to get me to agree with him in how unjust he feels the system is treating him. Some of the time he does so by trying to charm me and some of the time he does so by trying to intimidate me. Actually when he tries to charm he is more scary as he can turn something as simple as a handshake into a very intimate act (don't ask me how he does it). As long as he still believes there is a chance that I would agree with him (there isn't, but he thinks there might be) he won't hurt me. That was why he inmediately switched to charming when I told him off like that (as clearly threatening me wasn't working). The real risk of violence comes when my report states that his child is not safe around him and should be removed.