Thread: Septembers blow

Originally Posted by Sigg

... depending on what you're trying to accomplish ...

It’s like that Nine Inch Nails song. Something I Can Never Have.

I want something I can never have. I want my life back that I had before Multiple Sclerosis. So if I can’t ever have that, I need to explore other ways to make my head, mind and soul feel better. I’ve never read any self-help type books before, but at this point I’m open to any and all options for a way to help me accept this. I can’t change it, so I need to learn to accept it.

Originally Posted by RoundEye

It’s like that Nine Inch Nails song. Something I Can Never Have.

I want something I can never have. I want my life back that I had before Multiple Sclerosis. So if I can’t ever have that, I need to explore other ways to make my head, mind and soul feel better. I’ve never read any self-help type books before, but at this point I’m open to any and all options for a way to help me accept this. I can’t change it, so I need to learn to accept it.

Well if you want an option, you could look into the Soto School of Buddhism. I've found a lot of powerful personal meaning in the practice and words, maybe there is something for you there too.

http://www.vidyaonline.net/arvindgupta/zenmind.pdf

actually i have the audio book version on my mp3 player so when im bored at work i can listen to it and still pretend to be doing something productive.

I don't want to tell you what the teachings are or what is talked about because it needs to be something you find your own meaning in. or if you read the first paragraph and think it's utter nonesense, move on to something else.

that's the difficulty though isn't it? the inherent contradiction in the process of searching for your own path. you ask others their advice, they tell you their own path, not yours.

im trying not to sound too much like a fortune cookie, but if you want to know more then ask

Originally Posted by Sigg

...im trying not to sound too much like a fortune cookie...

Confucius say, man who jerk-off onto cash register, come into money.

Mugician, you say 'I can't write for the life of me' but if you wrote an autobiography, I'm pretty sure people would read it. So much has gone wrong in your life, but you're still here with us. No matter how hard your life is, people could take insiration from you, you always seem to have your head above the water, no matter how deep the ocean is. I would definatly read it. But yeah, you've had a pretty messed up life, try put that into writing, it doesnt matter how bad you are at it, you will get better, trust me.

Fantasy Girl xx

I would guess that as we get older in life, we all have a story to tell. Sometimes humorous, sometimes tragic.

What separates the winners from the losers is, after they have fallen the winners will pull themselves back up eventually and continue on with life, the losers will pull the trigger and splatter their brains all over the wall. Game over. You lose.

I would hope that Mugician has made up his mind like I have, that no matter how much shit life throws at you and no matter how far you have fallen, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue on even more defiant against the crap life can throw at you.

I’d like to see Mugician make another post in this thread, just to let us know he hasn’t lost in the game of life.

I’d like to see Mugician make another post in this thread, just to let us know he hasn’t lost in the game of life.

i think mugician has gotten over his original post a while ago,

Indeed. But now it is October. As much as I miss my dog and as angry as I am with "S" for fucking me over so completely, I did still just land an audition with a killer funk band.

Here, and still kicking.

A year later, and I can confirm that Septembers are cursed for me. This year I was in Ireland with work lined up, and VERY long story short, employers bailed and I had to split the country. I'm over it, but damn, this is a trend.

To the OP: There's no way I can say the following and sound "nice" or "caring" or "nurturing" or what have you; you're just gonna have to take my word for it that I'm not trying to harm you with my words here. (I'm really not! It's just that what I have to say I know doesn't sound nice to other people--although when people say stuff like this to me, it doesn't bother me. It's one of them there what-you-call "dichotomy" type dealies, I suppose.)

So here goes:

There may come a time in your life when no matter what you do or where you go, you will feel yourself garnering more attention than you strictly feel you deserve. As a musician, you likely have already had that feeling (or at least I hope you have! you can't be a successful or semi-successful performer without wondering every so often--especially when you're sick, have a lot of problems, or are hung over--exactly why all those surrounding you seem either to love or hate you with so much passion).

The time of feeling yourself to be undeserving of excessive attention from your fellow human beings is obviously not now! Regardless of who may actually in fact be thinking about you, you do not feel yourself to be "thought about" in any sort of way that is helpful or meaningful to you.

When I feel alone, lonely, unrecognized, ignored, overlooked, or unimportant--that makes me happy. I know you think that's a fvked-up thing to say to someone with your type of problem, but I would like to suggest that maybe you should rethink that.

Somebody who's everybody's darling, constantly surrounded by the waxing/waning flux of love and hate produced by one's fans and enemies, can never have the really keen thrill of the realization that one is independent, autonomous, and an individual capable of exercising free will and self-determination.

My understanding and recognition of my own personal freedom was hatched in the dying embers of my life's status quo. Loneliness and isolation had to become complete before I could suddenly grasp my self-determination, and know what it really was.

Understanding that the universe didn't give a flying fvck about me or my individual fortunes evolved from a hollow fear that used to wake me from sound sleep, to a cynical aphorism uttered in moments of weary despair or drunkenness, to a comfortable maxim that, like a cup of chamomile tea and a good book, can send me into a state of blissful, dreamless, comfort. The universe doesn't care; God doesn't care; no other person cares; I don't care....... mmmmm......... *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

If you don't crack under the heat and pressure, eventually you become a diamond.

Friendships and relationships are like days; they come and go. Like the days, relationships are anything but meaningless; each day and each friendship adds toward a sum of a life experienced.

And also like the days, friendships and relationships can't be frozen in time. The day will always end; it's what the day meant to you, the effect it had on your individual consciousness, that makes the difference.

Again, sorry if this sounds sort of cold and uncaring. You seem like a strong person underneath your doubt and anxiety, so I figure you can read what I wrote here for you without falling apart.