Thread: Why do the good ones die first?

I went to a funeral today. One of the very few I've been to. The other three were all old people. My best friend from primary school's oma, my boss's grandfather, and my grandfather.

Today it was the funeral of a girl I went to school with. First person from my year to die. We're twenty-three this year. So I figure we've had an okay run, not to have lost anyone yet.

This was an epic, shitty, sudden death. The news was big here, because a bunch of Australians died. I'm not sure if it reached news elsewhere but about three weeks ago a small plane that was taking about 10 people to the Kokoda Trail, crashed, and they all died. She was one of them.

My memories of her weren't plentiful. I knew everyone in my year, I was the college captain and the fat girl who was friends with everyone. So I knew her, and we would talk to each other. Never had many classes with her though. I knew her to be the girl who hated school in the early years, and who turned around and excelled beyond belief at the end. She was a bit of a bad-ass though, definitely one of the cool girls, and exceedingly beautiful. In personality as well as otherwise.

At her funeral today, there was a turn out of over 400 people. The school hosted the funeral. There was a diverse mix of cultures and age groups. Lots of people I knew, lots I didn't.

I sat there, waiting for it to start, in the school hall where we'd spent a large chunk of six years of our lives, and I looked around and wondered what the hell she'd been up to since, to know all these people. She had been popular, sure, but not overly outspoken, or extroverted.

Then I sit through two hours of heart-wrenching talks (the worst of which was her younger brother's, which was just the most emotional thing I've ever seen. He cried, full of anguish and grief and just, ergh, I couldn't stop the tears streaming down my face while he so ungracefully talked about his sister and the fear that she didn't know how much he loved her, in between racking sobs.) And I find out that Hannah has done nothing but selflessly, modestly, help people in the five years since I've really known her. Volunteered in Africa, and Ecuador. Volunteered at the Sudanese learning centre. Volunteered with refugee programs. Been an excellent friend, and just an over-achiever in the most admirable fashion.

I realise that in a funeral, someone's positives are celebrated and their negatives are forgotten, but today I truly felt that the absolute best of our year level (if not one of the better people of this world full stop) has been taken.

It's a cruel thing. I get that life is random and shitty. But if there is a God, there is just a cruel injustice. I said to my mum after, it's almost as though she was too good. She was making the rest of us look bad, so she had to go.

I don't know. What does anyone think? Why do the good die first?

My Nanny always says that. Half in jest, because she's still around and Pa is dead. But also because she says of her geriatric friends, the widow or widower is always the dud. The one who died was the good one. Maybe we just remember the dead more fondly than the living.

Maybe we just don't think about the wankers when they're dead. More people I don't give a toss about die than people I do give a toss about, and I'd bet that most of those I don't give a toss about weren't good.

I know what you mean, it seems that the ones who were just so wonderful die young...I think its that since we knew them and respected them so much, that it hurts and hits us the hardest...Many hugs and condolences.

I think you did your friend great justice by writing this, Fox....very well said and very well written...as far as why people die...it's very simple...there is a better place to go....and as much as we can't or refuse to except that, it's comforting in a way...from what I hear from near death experience...if people were given a chance to come back they wouldn't....that makes me smile.

beautifully written, sigg....I tell you, yall....we've got some good writers here....

Sometimes good people get the rub of the green and prosper; Sometimes bad people get the rub of the green and prosper.

And you are right; the only logical conclusion you could draw about such a creator is that it would have to be mean and capricious. It seems to me a false consolation to tell you that you can envisage a loved one in heaven with the great alchemist. Life owes us nothing; it's a remarkable thing we come to be at all given the odds that are stacked against us. I find that more consoling than anything else. At least some of us get a chance, however short-lived or unfavourable the circumstances. The death of any young person is the toughest pill to swallow but it happens and we have to cope with the grief - which bears all the hallmarks of our primate tendencies. Is death any less true because it so deeply upsets us? Unfortunately not.

We do always ask the question: why? We're pattern-seeking mammals.Try not to think about the why too much. There is no answer other than the cause of death.

I am sorry you've lost a friend or at least somebody you looked up to. Death takes those we look up to away from us, and I can more than empathise with that.

I'm completely aware, and at peace, with the idea that life is random. When we got the news of her death a few weeks ago, my housemate lost it. Cried for hours. She is not at all comfortable with the idea of mortality.

I am. I was the one saying that everyone dies. And death is always lurking. And there's no rhyme or reason to it.

I guess after being at the funeral, her life made me feel like a piece of shit. It was the modesty that got me. I've wanted to do the Africa thing for a while. And it's not even that she actually went and did it, where I haven't. It's that I never knew about it. She's on my facebook... if she was a bragger, I would know. And she wasn't, and I would be.

Bah. It was late night when I wrote this up, and I just wanted to reflect on it. I'm not really looking for answers. Was more wondering if anyone else had experienced the same kind of -really unfair- feeling. Though now I'm sure that's stupid. Young deaths in general I suppose carry that with them.

Ha, and Doc, it's what the dutch (and germans I think) call their grandmothers. Oma and Opa. I had a lot of dutch friends growing up. I grew up in Tulip farm central. And they were all Van Der Somethings.

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

Not sure if this is on topic or not but who gives a fuck anyway. This place is dead on its feet. Pun not intended. Have you ever noticed, whenever there's a telecast of the funeral of someone in the news - some well-known person killed in a car accident, or becoming a murder victim, or dying of some rare and incurable disease - the dead person is always the best there ever was? Just once I would like to see a telecast of a funeral where the MC is described by those attending as the greatest arsehole that ever lived. Just once. I mean, let's be honest for once. No one is that good.

Well, speak for yourself mate, I am going to be present at my own funeral and conscious.

yes Oma and Oppa would be the German words for Grandma and Grandpa.

Fox, I am sorry for your loss. Believe me, I've been exactly where you're at. I've sat at funerals and thought the same things. I know its cliche and all but the only thing I can come up with at 7 am is be the change you want to see in yourself. I think (from what I know on here) that you are a pretty cool person and that you shouldn't beat up on yourself too hard. Just because you didn't go to Africa or whatever, it doesn't mean that you haven't touched a lot of peoples lives. Some of us are braggers and some of us aren't. World would be pretty boring if we were all alike. If none of this makes sense just tell me to shut up.