Thread: Question on POV

I don't know if this is the right forum for this question, perhaps someone could tell me if I'm in the wrong place.

I am writing a novel using third-person POV, with one POV per scene.

In this particular chapter I want to retain the hero's (VPC's) POV, but also have another character relating a complex and harrowing story, sort of a story within a story.
It is important that the Hero is retained as the VPC, because I need to give his/her thoughts and reactions.

Is it acceptable to simply say she/he said that... and tell the story from the other character's POV, or does this constitute head-hopping?

If it isn't acceptable, how would I go about relating the other character's story, without contravening the rules on POV?

Any help would be much appreciated

Seems to me you could write this scene as a conversation. Your POV character is the listener/audience and only speaks with lines like "Really?" or "Oh, no" or "What did you do then?" The POV character only knows what the story teller says. Do you need to get inside the head of the story teller? So long as the only thoughts are in the head of the POV character, you should be fine. The story teller could tell the story in first person with comments on their own reactions/thoughts included as part of the story. Good luck. C.M.

Thanks C.M.

I'm worried that the story within a story is a little long and complex; I didn't want it to become too dialogue heavy, with perfunctory answers; if that makes sense.

I think I need to go back to the drawing board on this one. . . Thanks for your help; it was much appreciated.

Be very careful about controlling your 'he said this' he said that' - though your character is narrating what had happened, it is still surrounded by your story, so in a way, it is background noise not to over-power the events occurring in your 'realtime- story.

Thanks seyelint,

I guess it's a bit of a balancing act; I need to be a lot cleverer on this than I have been. . . Many thanks

The character who's story you wish to tell can tell it in the form of a monologue. He/she would tell their story in first person just as if you and I were sitting around a campfire and you told me about the time you went skydiving;

"I remember the plane. It was an old, four seat Cessna that had the side door removed. It was blue with a wide white stripe down the side and it had freckles of rust all over. I was scared sh**less, but I climed in anyway . . ."

You can do a large chunk of backstory this way and there's still room for the POV character to interject their thoughts;

I'd be scared sh**less too, Terry thought as Mike77 talked about taking off in the decrepit Cessna. He's a bloody idiot for even doing it.

Thanks Terry; that's helpful. I have as tendency to the authorial omniscient, and I need to curb that. . . so much to learn and so little time.

Many Thanks

It is acceptable to have two points of view in a scene, but you have to transition from one to the other, preferably not back and forth. If you don't want to do that, why can't you simply have the Hero listening to the other individual telling a story? Dialogue is critical, anyway.

Thanks, for your response; appreciate your time. As for two POV's per scene. . ? Not according to the agent who read my manuscript, but thanks anyway.

A couple of quick links that seem to confirm my belief that you can have two POV in one scene. I do believe the transition from one POV to the other has to be smooth.

Beth Anderson – Hot Clue » Whose Point of View is That?

Fiction Writing: What's Your Point of View? | Men with Pens

Originally Posted by C.M. Aaron

Seems to me you could write this scene as a conversation. Your POV character is the listener/audience and only speaks with lines like "Really?" or "Oh, no" or "What did you do then?" The POV character only knows what the story teller says. Do you need to get inside the head of the story teller? So long as the only thoughts are in the head of the POV character, you should be fine. The story teller could tell the story in first person with comments on their own reactions/thoughts included as part of the story. Good luck. C.M.

To expand on this: Have you ever read Frankenstein? I don't recommend it, since I didn't like it, but there are like 3 chapters where one character tells a super long story.

You could maybe flick from one persons POV to another... maybe have a short chapter for from the person telling the story POV and then the next chapter, your hero's POV saying about what they thought about the story from the previous chapter...

If that makes sense, just an idea.

Thanks Frances,

that was the chosen route; I split the chapter into four scenes, not ideal, but it did satisfy the purists. Thanks for your input, much appreciated.

Dm,

I was in two minds about reading it. . . just kidding; some might say only just kidding. Thanks anyway