|
Letter to Jaike in Hospital
Just seeing if this kind of writing works, what do you think of my piece?
Dear Jaike,
God knows how much I love you. It amazes me how much I have fallen for you. You are not the typical guy I would go after but now you have become the only one I really want.
I’m terrible insecure though. I question how you feel about me. I wonder whether your afraid of commitment, of getting hurt, or is it just not the right time for you, or is that just your cover up?
I don’t want to get attached only to be let down. I enjoy my independence but at the same time, I want nothing more than your company. And it’s my own feelings of not wanting to get hurt that keeps me chasing after other boys. But they neve fill me up like you do.
I don’t know what to think. We’ve tried to end this, this casual sex, so many times. You said, ‘I don’t want to hurt you’. The way you act, certain things about the way you behave makes me think I’m wasting my time, investing too many emotions into this. But then when I question you, you question me. You say things like ‘I thought you knew me better than that’.
You told me you don’t believe in marriage and you told me about your brother and his wife and you mother and dad and, when you told me about them I felt like you were letting me in for the first time and I loved you for it.
I haven’t seen you in forever. With our conflicting lives, it’s always been hard to find the time to see one another, but now it feels like faith doesn’t want us to be together, and I can’t handle that.
I know I need to talk to you about things face to face but it’s hard when we rarely see each other. So when we do see each other I don’t want to clog it up with what I suppose is really important, I just want to enjoy the moment and savour you beauty and your grace because I know we can’t last forever.
Love Bella
|
