Tam

This was part of a romance story I dropped a few years ago. I always thought this part was good though. It's a different twist. What do you think?

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"I thought you wanted more kids?" she asked, outraged. "I do, I mean I did, Ahhh" she screamed in frutration, "How can I get you to understand?" "Understand what?" her friend demanded, "Understand that you're willing to throw away all your dreams for a man who won't even acknowledge that he cares for you?"

"Exactly". Replied Ann with such sudden calm that Cheryl was startled. Cheryl keenly observed Ann and noticed the dreamy look in her chums eyes and the small smile on her face. She was truly peaceful and deeply happy this time. Cheryl hoped she wasn't in for the biggest heartbreak of her life.

Ann turned to Cheryl with her eyes pleading for understanding "The only strings I want in this relationship are his heartstrings, I'm already a package deal with 2 other kids, and it doesn't matter how much I long to be pregnant with his child, to nurse it, to hold it in my arms, what good is the dream if he wouldn't be in it too? If he wasn't there to hold me, and caress me and help ease away all the troubles of my heart? I feel alive when I'm with him. What good is it to raise another child alone?"

She allowed the silence so Cheryl could let this sink in, then she quietly continued, "It would kill me if something happened and I became pregnant, because" she lowered her voice to a bare whisper "I'm afraid he'd believe that I'd done it on purpose, to hold him to me, and it would!; but he'd never forgive me for it."

"If it happened, you could abort" Cheryl said, really just saying her thoughts outloud. "How could you say that!" screamed Ann, I could never do that! That's something I could never live with, worse still for it to be the baby of the man I love", she began to sob. "I'm sorry Ann, please don't cry, I didn't mean to hurt you" pleaded Cheryl. As Ann's cries subsided, Cheryl continued "It's just that having an operation is so final and you don't seem ready for it. Isn't there another alternative?" "I've looked into everything, my doctors and I have searched into every alternative including some new ones", Ann replied, calmer again. "Have you told him what this will mean to you, the sacrifice you're willing to make?".

Ann swallowed hard before replying, "No. I want him to simply love me. Not feel guilty because I've made a sacrifice, and not feel like I've become a martyr either. I just want his acceptance. Nothing more."

"Are you sure this is what he really wants?" "No, I'm not sure of anything anymore, just that I love him". She paused, mulling something over, then with a dawning of realization, she said "You know what Cheryl? I've always that I proved my womanhood and love by having a child. I've just realized that I'm really proving that I've grown-up by NOT having one!" She turned to face her friend, happiness seeming to glow from every pore. From this moment on, she knew she was making the right decision, and wouldn't look back on it with regret. Her arms would ache and her breasts would never again know that special bond of suckling a babe; maybe she'd be lucky and have a grandchild to hold, someday.

She knew this was right, and wouldn't regret her decision. Her comfort would be the children she worked with, when her own were grown. Some of these poor souls would never know any other love but what she could give and what they'd allow. She would never truly be without children, even as she knew she could and probably would, lose him. Even that sobering thought, didn't sway her from the decision, she had just finalized. Before Cheryl could say another word, her young son came in the door from school, reminding Ann that she was late getting home to her own. In a rush of good-byes, Cheryl knew Ann had made her decision, and would never bring up the subject again. It was all but a done deal now. Only the arrangements had to be made.

phurst

New speaker, new paragraph.
You use a lot of tag lines on the end of the sentences so maybe try to set the scene so the reader can know - demanded, frustration, outrage, etc.
how much I long to be pregnant with his child, to nurse it, to hold it in my arms, what good is the dream if he wouldn't be in it too? - ah, gag! Using the word 'long' carries an image of a cheap dime store romance.
Her arms would ache and her breasts would never again know that special bond of suckling a babe; - suckling? Nah! Fix it.
I am not into romance that is so filled with emotions I have no clue about - childbirth- so take all I say with a grain of salt. Fewer tag lines, set the scene in the physical world, lessen the cliche's, and seperate the speaker with a paragraph.

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dhyre

Heya,

For me, the reader, it would help if you could use less of the pronoun, check the spelling and seperate some of the dialouge.

Don't throw it away, you might find the perfect spot to start over again!

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