Garden of Kadesh

I just felt the need to write it. Some offensive language.

Juicy

"Dude, you're so gay." We were behind the counter in the seafood section, preparing food. The grocery store was almost empty.

"How am I gay for making love to a woman?" I replied with a chuckle. Jimmy stopped cutting a fish to look at me, his brow was contorted with mock disgust. "Let me school you," he said. "When you have sex, you create an intimate bond with your partner... and intimacy is the gayest thing in the universe."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." I heard him sigh next to me, followed by the sound of movement. I turned to see what he was doing, and just as I did, a fish slapped me across the face with a sharp smack. "What the...fuck...I'm going to kick your ass!" I grabbed un uncut salmon, but before I could retaliate Jimmy pointed to an incoming manager. We pretented to work as she rounded a corner.

"That was disgusting. Now where were we? Ah, yes, the ass kicking." Jimmy ignored my threats. His bespectacled eyes were following a woman across the store. "You see that woman? Her shirt has writing on it. How am I supposed to read it without looking like a pervert? That's like writing something on my crotch and getting pissed off when people look."
"Well, maybe you shouldn't look," I suggested. "Impossible. Look at the size of those things..." He trailed off as the woman passed by. She gave him a dirty look. "It says "juicy". The shirt says juicy!"

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"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them."

- Catch 22

alanmt

Jimmy is clearly gay.

pretended, not pretented

I found this piece very amusing

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Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum europe vincendarum

dhyre

hey,

Here are some suggestions, I think you should hold on to this because I find that it is the way people act in life. Not all people, but quite a few. Seem's realistic to me. Although when the woman replies about her shirt, keep the ' it says juicy' then follow it with a swear word or something, just to convey how she felt about that.

'preparing food' - could be more specific
seperate dialouge, new speaker, new paragraph
un = possibly an?

Keep on, keepin' on!

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*** correction: Writing is about individuality, breaking the rules, testing new grounds, listening to ourselves. That's why we do it, to show we are individuals, we are human and because everyone's idea deserves a chance, even if you don't think so.

Garden of Kadesh

Thanks for the reading/comments.

I had the image of these characters character burned in my head and needed to get them out.

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"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them."

- Catch 22

Cipher2

I like things like this that are snapshots of "human stupidity." I've written a few bits that are from stupid things people say. Very post-modern.

"His bespectacled eyes" lol

SamuelMerrin

those juicy shirts are ridiculous, it's worse when it's written on the ass...

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I am Samuel Merrin the Great, Genius and Philosophizer-Librarian.

PSFoster

Good piece. Almost "juicy'

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I'm too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed.
My blog: rf2082.wordpress.com