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File 13 Got something you were going to throw away, something that just didn't fit or work out the way you planned? Share it here.

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Old 04-24-2008, 12:58 PM   #1
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more crappy writing

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Last edited by Damien. : 06-19-2008 at 03:11 PM.
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Old 04-24-2008, 06:09 PM   #2
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Get more positive. Only a few special hit it early, the rest of us schmucks get it late or never but we continue to write, so write on. The above wasn't horrible and may even be good flash fiction with some work.

It looked quite cold, and very far away. - instead of it use 'The river below'
That ass was running as fast as he could, which was pretty fast. - I assume this was John. I'd use John, that ass and try to kill the was, were passive stuff. I also though that perhaps they were both on the rail
His brown hair was pressed back by the wind, - His hair blew back in the wind
laughed so hard he fell over. - he slipped
a chance to do anything - to grab the rail
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Old 04-24-2008, 08:49 PM   #3
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" laughed so hard he fell over. - he slipped" I disagree with this revision. Slipped is too often used and it doesn't go along with your writing style. Maybe just "Tipped over".

I too thought they were both on the rail. If you just slow down with your writing that will be fixed. I enjoyed reading this Damien, and how angry he got made me laugh.
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