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File 13 Got something you were going to throw away, something that just didn't fit or work out the way you planned? Share it here.

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Old 02-05-2008, 12:02 AM   #1
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Beginnings of a post/semi apocalyptic story

I like writing(and reading) this kind of thing. But I have trouble beginning. I always feel like I am just rolling out facts and notes without actually developing much of a plot. Please, tear it apart if you want and give me suggestions on a way to make this a better read.

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I had realized for several years that human civilization -and in particular civilization of the Western world- would not continue for much longer. Many aspects of life were simply unsustainable. Even so, very few were willing to relinquish one decadent iota of their lifestyles. Such attitudes drove global conflict. In the United States, there was an extremely bizarre relationship of people to their government. The same people who would decry powerful interfering government were the same people who would drive the government to procure the ever dwindling resources that they became inescapably dependant upon. It was the ruin of the empire.

In the years before the collapse of the old society, I prepared for the destruction. Only a relatively few were even moderately aware. Fewer still prepared for the worst eventualities. I lived a normal life while I conducted preparations. I walked outside -mentally outside- in the facades that were built for and by the population. A few occasions I would try to speak about the changes and hardships soon to come to us. I soon ceased these attempts because to every person I spoke to, doom seemed not only unpleasant, but impossible.

I focused on enjoying those things which would disappear after the crash of society. Driving, computers, climate control...so many things whose absence would create very hard times for the unprepared. I did not even consider attempting to prevent disaster. It would not have even been possible anyway. Neither did I use less gasoline, or heat my home less. I was already frugal, and I was also accustomed to being without luxuries. I was prepared.

I anticipated a gradual decline. It seemed certain that unless the great powers of the world took destructive actions -particularly against one another- that our civilization would regress over perhaps decades. For several years a slow regression was occurring, as expected. Resources of energy became increasingly expensive. I remember when a gallon of gasoline was a little over three dollars a gallon; a couple of years would see that price rise to well over seven dollars per gallon. Cheap energy had become extremely scarce. Oil production peaked early in the twenty first century, and this was a primary cause of the decline of nations and societies across the planet. As oil based energy became increasingly scarce, the quality of life for most declined tremendously. The United States squandered resources without remorse as if the planet did not sustain human beings in any way. The population held much blame for their own decline. The average person, a short time before the crash, appeared to comprehend nothing more than consuming unhealthy food in gargantuan amounts and being entertained superficially. Even though the humans that already existed were mostly not taken care of, the human population continued to rise greatly. All of these things and more were too much for our species and the earth.

This is the story of the prodigal species, of how humanity brought itself to ruin. It is a warning to those who disregard the consequences of foolish choices and actions.
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Old 02-05-2008, 09:57 PM   #2
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I do see what you mean. I think the main problem is you're falling to the classic "Tell, don't Show" trap. In fact, this is almost a textbook example...in my opinion, you write well, but these facts can be slowly integrated into the story. Jump right into a character, a setting, a plot, and show us all what's happened. Assume we'll be able to figure it out. Hope I could help.
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Old 02-06-2008, 12:03 AM   #3
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That actually does help, thanks. I'll give this a different approach next time.
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Old 02-06-2008, 03:16 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foetus View Post
I think the main problem is you're falling to the classic "Tell, don't Show" trap.
It's 'Show, don't tell'.
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