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Scribe
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Way Down South
Posts: 62
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Revision Is His Story
Just some weird little point-of-view ramblings that came into my little brain one day. Mildly based on a dear friend of mine and the amusing musings of his....
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Got it all in my head. Greatest story ever written, damn right. Here in my head. Just gotta write it down. Easy. It´s got everything, lots of sex, death, laughs, and exotic settings. Haven´t decided yet, Paris or Venice. Paris has got all the pretty names, but Venice...
No! No! I do know, it´s Paris, Paris. Not Venice. Set in Paris. It´s a sort of crime/love story. She loves him but he doesn´t love her. I mean, he likes her, but she´s too rich and he has to kill a Duke or something, then take his place and seduce her. Well, maybe first he seduces her sister.
Look at all these books. Trash. All of them. Garbage. What´s this one? Another 500 pages from a washed-up boring old fart. How much is it? Twenty bucks. Bah! Crap crap crap crap crap. They should call this place ¨Stick ´em Up Books¨. Not even cool titles, like mine. Love and Death in Paris. Nonono, Rue d´Amour et Mort. That´s it!
And there´s Smiley Turduckens, giving book advice. You´re a retail clerk, honey, just do your damn job. Leave the book-talk to us writers. You wouldn´t know a good book if it´s bar code matched your DNA. Who do you think you are? If these people want book advice they should ask me. Then they´ll come thanking me.
O, God, she´s looking at me. She´s pretty. Pretty smile, pretty hair. Hi, yeah, hi. I´ve been OK, you? Cool, cool. No, just...just looking around, you know, seeing what´s new. Yeah, I know. Wait, wait...do you, um, recommend any good detective stories? Something modern, I mean, none of that old Agatha Edward stuff, I´ve read all that. Yeah? Yeah? It´s good, huh? Really? Swedish? Thanks!
That´s right, Smiley, back to your register, ring up your next customer. You´ll be selling my books someday you big flirt. What´s the best book ever written? Ha! You don´t have it yet, I haven´t written it yet, it´s all in my head, just gotta write it down and sell it, then I´ll come back here on my signing tour and everyone will ask me which books I think are good and you´ll bat your eyes and ask me out and I´ll say ¨no thanks¨ and you´ll go home crying and read some sap girly book. Snippety English girl or faux-English girl writer. No, no, I´ll accept and invite you to a fancy place and then stand you up because I´ll be busy at a Writer´s Banquet with all the best writers. A banquet in honor of me! And you´ll be so mad because even though you´ll hate me you´ll still have to recommend my book and see my face as you scan the bar code over and over again day after day because it´s so GOOD!
Look at these titles, so boring. No exotic foreign words like mine´s gonna have. Which of these books has a murdered Duke and a seduced heiress and her sister, huh? None of ´em. O, the way I describe Venetian high society will have Time magazine wondering how I did it. Parisian, I mean. Parisian high society.
O, God, here she comes again. She´s so pretty. Hi! Yeah, I´m gonna take this one. If I don´t like it can I have my money back? I know, I know, I´m only kidding. Hey, funny question. Do you have the best book ever written? Come on. Which one? This one? Are you joking around with me? Dr. Seuss, huh? Yeah, I guess. Hey would you ever wanna...have a coffee sometime? On your break maybe? O. No, no, I understand. No, hah, I´m kinda seeing someone, too, I just thought, you know, we could talk about books and stuff. You have such good taste and, yeah, OK, see you later.
You´ll see me later all right. Right next to the bar code, every day of your 50 year career in retail sales you phony book-critic. I´ve got it all right here in my head! Just gotta write it down and sell it. Easy.
Or maybe I should make it a screenplay?
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