Roman_Mitic

A world immersed in beauty, wrapped in a shroud of cold. Less the surface of the chilly water, a person resides.
Observing the world, he lingers. He waits endlessly- for something nameless and unexpected to spell out his living, an epiphany revealing his role in this life.
Loosing patience, He strays. He explores lost realms, thus purpose always evades him. His hopes wither and his tiny sliver of clarity dissolves.
As he slumbers fate shines through thin glass, shattered pieces of light appear on the bedroom wall. His sub consciousness illuminates.
Pieces of truth taunt his mind, in trice dreams.
With these flash dreams, he becomes aware of the hidden. He realizes there is so much more to this world, than what appears. The secret lies in a fabled land, buried underneath a lonely stone. It beckons him constantly. Therefore, he hunts.
He looks through animate eyes, and now definition is at the grasp of his sharpened sensibility. Aware there is an answer, he hunts continuously.
He imagines a wolf, chasing a rabbit in the snow.
The wolf conforms to simple thoughts and the restraints of fear. The rabbit then, becomes elusive and unattainable.
Thinking creatively and imaginatively, the wolf picks the rabbit from the flurry, savors the meal in a warm caves and sleeps fulfilled.
My aim is to snare this rabbit, which hurries behind my closed eyes.
This rare rabbit comprised of essential discovery and crucial truth.
I am this hunter and he is I.

Mr Sci Fi

You're trying way too hard to sound "Writerly." Ask yourself if anybody writes, or even talks like this. Find out the way they do talk and write, then try again.

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"The writer you envy today will probably have reason to envy you tomorrow." - Orson Scott Card

OzzyShiraz

I get it. Good one.

Like the haikus.

Wallmaker

Hi Roman,

I do feel that this is just trying too hard and what we have here is a metaphor, not really a story yet... so it's hard to tell what your voice would be like in telling a story. When I first started writing, I found myself "putting on airs" to sound more like a WRITER. But my writing "voice" ended up sounded a lot more like how I normally talk with... let's face it, better grammar, and wittier pre-meditated come backs and one liners.

Since this probably isn't the answer you are looking for, maybe some more information would help. How do you view your voice/writing style and what would you compare it to? How does this compare with how you talk casually among friends, family, and your cats? And so forth. Take a moment and talk about how you precieve your voice instead of us guessing it for you.

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TheNextOne

I just don't think I understood what the message in that piece was. I agree with the others, write how you talk. If you write the way Hemingway or Shakespeare used to talk (albeit clumsily), then no one today will really understand your meaning.

All I got at the end was that the person 'narrating' this odd semblance of images (good images, by the way) was the same as the 'villain' in his imagination--or was it imagination?

Your voice seems best suited to the description of imagery. The rest needs to be contemporary narration--in other words, the way you talk to your friends and family.

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Some things I've written

Things you probably shouldn't say
Forum Threads and Dreams
Carnival Loss