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He lay still in the bed, the cold kiss of death felt on his skin. Emily observed his blue lips, motionless now but had conveyed much warmth only a few nights before.
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Observed seemed a bit too scientific in a way.
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It was too much to bare and struggling to stifle her cries, she threw her head forward onto her fathers chest and wailed like never before.
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She's stifling her cries and then she's wailing? 0_o
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Her years of longing to know the person her father really was had come and gone in an instant; once more she was alone in the world with no one to confide in or speak naturally with.
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Speak naturally with? The word choice seemed a bit too scientific.
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All seemed lost. The stark realization of what lay ahead forced its way into her thoughts and no matter how she tried to trick herself into believing she would be alright, the tears and sobs came harder, bleeding her heart dry of all emotion once more.
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Stark realization: I like that.
Bleeding her hear dry of all emotion: Not so much.
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From this moment on she would be back to being passive of the opinions of others on her own situation, pretending she was well with the world for the circumstance she found herself in.
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This part is a bit choppy starting from:
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pretending she was well with the world
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I found that this seemed to be trying too hard to be "Austen-style". But I was interested in the plot. The emotions didn't really seem real, they were a bit two-dimensional.
Good luck with the story!
realising a loss
-but if i do i've got something i can work towards now
