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File 13 Got something you were going to throw away, something that just didn't fit or work out the way you planned? Share it here.

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Old 12-01-2007, 08:31 AM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Victoria, Australia
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Shinyui
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Mirror of Doubts

There's a mirror lying at my feet
It only appears though, when I'm down.
It shows all my losses and regret.
When I push on, glass coats the ground.

I step over the broken pieces
feel a quickly-fading pain.
Hope that I'll come out ok
as my confidence starts to drain.

"Don't look back; Don't even think!"
Pleads an all too familiar voice
I urge myself to walk away
Resolving "I have made my choice."

Doubt never was one to relent though
Turning back, I'm horrified by what I see:
A rather warped and crude distortion
of the way things used to be.

No sooner have I realised this
a weight lifts - For now, I'm free.
Until the time my doubts resurface
But for now, I say, Let be.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------


This is one of those things I had to put out on paper before I lost the inspiration for it. Now that it's out I am most definitely planning to refine it and alter it if need be, however I want to put it up here anyway and see what people think.
Comments and suggestions most welcome
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Old 01-04-2008, 06:43 AM   #2
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Autumn is on a distinguished road
have to say i don't really get it BUT think that's probably because it's still too personally referenced without any specific scenario to give me a tooth- the metaphor is a good one, if it's to continue rhyming, the syllable count could do with being tightened up a bit. Personally, I feel even rhyming stanzas suit narrative poetry and this seems more psychological and would perhaps lend itself better to a different format or could be expanded to include more of a story?? Sorry to ramble on, did find it interesting/unusual

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Old 01-08-2008, 07:01 AM   #3
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Mirror is on a distinguished road
Yes, the game of mirrors (especially the naked ones) raises the tiny coefficient of my illegitimate claim. Mirrors resurrect, too.

Make it a song lyric.

Last edited by Mirror : 01-08-2008 at 10:19 AM.
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