Short, but I still like it (210 words) - Writers Forum

]]sam[[ · 09-12-2007, 08:03 PM

Walking down the old, weathered dock, the soles of my feet are scraped by the rough wood, and the soft creaking of the planks in the tide drone on in my ears. A refreshing lake breeze washes over my skin, and cools me under the intense August sun. The sprawling vista stretches out in front of my eyes; a meandering coastline of jagged cliffs and dense forest, dotted with cottages nestled inside trees. The cerulean water matches the sky above it, and ripples as the breeze pushes it towards the water’s edge. The lapping tide, steady against the shoreline, gives the impression of the tick-tock of time slipping away slowing, but somehow comforting me as it does so. Closing my eyes, I lean back and inhale deeply, filling my lungs with fresh air, unpolluted by the stresses of life. I hear the rustle of the leaves persuading me to open my eyes once more; to look at their vibrant green colour before autumn claims it too prematurely. Scents of evergreens and algae permeate through the air, requesting they not be overlooked. As I settle myself down on the dock, slipping my feet into the lake, the world around me fades away, just as my feet disappear below the water’s surface.

cinder and smoke · 09-30-2007, 09:08 PM

If you ignore all the excessive imagery, there could be something here even though it is a cliche thought. I really like the very last line for some reason. I think that is the only part that has the potential to stick in someone's mind.

If you ever decide to take this somewhere else, I would like to see what you do with it.

Sniper McGee · 10-01-2007, 05:58 PM

Twas quite relaxing, sounded like one of those sleeping tricks (immagine yourself on a beach and all that)

The girl left behind... · 10-02-2007, 08:27 PM

It was very relaxing. I almost fell asleep at my desk here. (in a good way).

I really love the last line, it does stick out in someones mind.

~The girl left behind.