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Indecision
Just a brief discourse I have with myself frequently... I'm always changing, eh?
Indecision
My mind is swayed like grass in the wind. Hands shake as I peer out into the snow blanketed landscape, evergreen spires obscuring the evening sky.
Is it all as it seems?
Is this beautiful scene a passing moment in thousands?
The grandness of it trancends me for a moment and brings the eternal question to mind.
God?
Dismiss this if it's not true. If what my heart strains to tell me is wrong. For what seemed like a blaring eternity, I have seen the impossible as impossibly correct. But I must be wrong.
I lay my head to rest and stare into the stars. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they were closer than distance? If they were painted on the sky and I could climb to reach them. My indecision is fleeting, but the impact is forever.
Shrill voices cry to the night and I still smile. What causes these people to make fools of themselves? It isn't logic... it's their hearts. In enlightenment, have I found ignorance?
The tradition of centuries calls out to me. But is it more complicated in this day? Do words mean nothing in face of faith?
I hear bells tolling out the morning, sweet bells calling to me. I can't throw my cares away, they cling to me like film.
Still, on this day, I remain an atheist in a sea of doubts.
Do I let my sexuality rule me? No... that can be dealt with easily. Is it my pride? No... that died long ago. Is it my dreams? No... they can be achieved still. Is it my faith? No... I believe in love, who am I to say it doesn't exist in every heart?
It's my sense. It trails me to a fault, never leaving, never escaping. Why do I cling on to the fence when I can land in a sea of pillows?
I realized long ago, but I have yet to act on it.
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"Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?"
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