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| File 13 Got something you were going to throw away, something that just didn't fit or work out the way you planned? Share it here. |
06-22-2007, 10:22 PM
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#16
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: the milky way
Gender: Female
Posts: 57
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Thanks to everyone. I'm glad people can relate. Usually I get people telling me to "BELIEVE IN GOD BECAUSE GOD WILL COME TO ME" or whatever. xD
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“Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotion know what it means to want to escape from these”
- Emily Dickenson
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06-23-2007, 09:32 PM
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#17
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Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 8
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Its good. I like it... but make it longer.. and you can include the letter if you want. But don't throw it away. Its a good story.. you may be able to publish it. Its a really good idea. It's a bit too short. Keep working at it and you'll get it. Did I mention to not throw it away?
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07-09-2007, 10:53 AM
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#18
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Addict
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: England - caught somewhere between my imigination and bills
Gender: Male
Posts: 108
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hmm. at first I had to ask.. so where is this letter? but looking at it again I see it was good in itself. thought provoking and all in all, I liked it. Well done that writer!
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I wish I drunk coffee 
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09-30-2007, 04:54 PM
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#19
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: the milky way
Gender: Female
Posts: 57
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Thanks everyone.
Sorry I haven't been on here forever. 0___o
__________________
“Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotion know what it means to want to escape from these”
- Emily Dickenson
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10-04-2007, 06:15 PM
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#20
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Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 18
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Wasnt writen well enough to grab any sentimental value.
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10-18-2007, 05:23 PM
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#21
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Writer
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Bend Oregon
Gender: Male
Posts: 46
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well i personally liked it a lot. i found that the substance that it lacked only made my mind delve deeper into it and try and figure out what was going on. This abstract style of writing (if that is what you meant it as) is not my favorite as it gets my head hurting, but is wonderful on an occasional basis.
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10-19-2007, 05:19 AM
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#22
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Best Seller
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Keyport, Nj
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
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Very nice I can relate to this as well as many other people. Great job!
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10-23-2007, 05:49 PM
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#23
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Scribe
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 78
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I don't think the letter is needed - I understood it fine, and I liked it, though it is a bit short.  |
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10-29-2007, 12:14 AM
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#24
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Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenearphones
You misunderstand. That wasn't a intro, that was a drabble I wrote.
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I know you said it's not an intro, but why couldn't it be? Perhaps rather than showing us the letter, use this to springboard into a story, a life-story that changes as a result of this character finding the letter again.
I like the fact that it's very mysterious and open to questioning - that might allow for a more subtle character development. You could go just about anywhere with this.
One thing I will say - the opening lines are just a little too cliche - class A teenage angst. What's particular to this character's depression/situation that would inspire such a letter?
I think its great!
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"I think I understand, but I'm sure I don't"
- Shmendrick the Magician, The Last Unicorn
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10-29-2007, 08:01 AM
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#25
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Addict
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 117
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I can appreciate the idea, but the writing really needs some work. Your sentence structure, choice of words, paragraphing, repetition... you've got a long ways to go.
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10-29-2007, 09:44 AM
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#26
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Scribe
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 84
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Just a though...what if he mailed the letter? What if he sent to the adress "GOD" and actually got a reply in the mail? 
__________________
~You get what you pay for. Pay for nothing, get nothing
~If you play with the best, you become the best.
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10-29-2007, 05:39 PM
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#27
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Inches from the mainline
Gender: Male
Posts: 406
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Frankly, while the others criticism is valid, I like it just how it is. It’s short, mysterious and leaves a lot to the imagination.
Maybe it’s just me, but it reminds me a lot of the tough times in my life when i got into fights with god. Later in life I now realize that I wasn’t fighting with anyone but myself. Don’t mind them, if you like it how it is, keep it that way.
-Bryce out
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11-02-2007, 08:29 AM
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#28
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,881
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This works for me. And I don't even believe in God. |
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