Writers Forum - WritingForums.com Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > File 13
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

File 13 Got something you were going to throw away, something that just didn't fit or work out the way you planned? Share it here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-06-2007, 12:39 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Mayer, Arizona
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Justin is on a distinguished road
Savant

This is an old beginning to a story that I may come back to some day. It was originally going to be about a kid that can only remember events by numbers.

Monday

I wake up and get out of bed calmly.

No, I don’t. I groan at the clock and reach for the fan’s chain because my heater only functions at night. It’s three clicks to get the blades to stop, but God knows I will click four. So, I waste a minute and get frustrated and decide to stop it all together with my hand. I am bound to smolder the motor eventually, but it doesn’t matter at the moment.

It finally stops, and for that brief second that I contemplate falling back into bed, I just think about why I turn on the damned fan on every night when I know each morning I will unthinkingly regret it.

I am under more covers then I went to bed with. I give the clock an extra ten minutes and hope that it will startle me enough so I can wake up. It doesn’t though. Clocks don’t care about school and work. My eyes are open staring at the wall the entire time, but it’s a void to my head. It’s not until the covers begin to be humid that I embark on getting out and starting my day. Either that, or turn the fan on.

It’s seven fifty three. I am already one hundred and eighty seconds late. I mentally note to myself that I need to be more efficient.

It’s eight steps to the bathroom, six to the living room, and ten to the kitchen. I give or take three steps, in case that the kitchen floor is cold. So, that should be twenty-four steps, if I could be optimal. The shower needs to run to warm up since I am at the top of the apartment complex; it’s usually takes eighty three seconds. At least it’s a good number.

If I take off my clothes before hand, I can save some time, since I will already be in the bathroom. But, usually, I like grabbing a drink to quench my morning thirst, however there are six broken blinds on my balcony window. It would be embarrassing if someone saw me naked, but that only happens on rare occasions. It has to be random because I don’t know the pattern yet.

I chance it.

I hop back in the shower and try to remember that the shower turns cold after six minutes. I am sure I will daze off again, so I concentrate on washing my legs.

Shower is done, so I need clothes. I stare at my closet and mull over if I am going to school or work. It’s Monday, so it could be either. Is it the fifteenth or sixteenth though? I am sure there is a holiday somewhere around that time.

The fan’s rotation is back to its old speed. I need something, just anything. I figure it’s a fifty-fifty chance of being right.

I guess I am going to school.

===

School

I don’t like walking to school. Actually, I do, I just hate sidewalks.

I have been living on my own since eighth grade. I don’t think the land keeper knows I live in her apartment though. I have never seen anyone on my floor either… Don’t know why though. My room is the first room from the stairs, 119; it’s a first-class number.

I wrote an entry in my journal for math once about it. My room number is the largest amount of money, in coins, without being able to make change for a dollar. I noted to him after class that it’s the combination of three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies; I even told him that if you add the coins up, it’s eleven; another good number. He didn’t care. What a waste of a math teacher.

I noticed I am dreaming again and have miscount one of the slabs of concrete. I have to stop doing that. My pen scribbles a few letters on the crumbled up legal pad I carry with me. I have to remember that it takes 269 steps. I can’t be off or I will miss the school.

The longest official chess game on record, 269 moves, took place in Yugoslavia on 2/17/89, and ended in a draw. Note to self that 2, 17, 89, and 269, are all good numbers.

Okay, ninth tree, so I should turn. I wish my streets were normal. I hate names.
----------

That's pretty much all I had at the time. I just never could develop the concept any further really. I tried to give it a first-person crazy appeal.

Maybe you guys have better ideas?
Justin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2007, 03:56 PM   #2
Addict
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Houston, Texas
Gender: Male
Posts: 148
TheNextOne is on a distinguished road
Send a message via Skype™ to TheNextOne
Justin I like what you've started here. There are only a few technical errors that I could spot in the actual text itself. I myself am very bad with numbers, but I always find it fascinating to read about them. I notice you use elements of numerology in your story which would be a good thing to ad in there.

Okay, so if you're having trouble here are some of my questions for you that might help you write a little more of this story down.
  • How do people treat this main character at school?
  • How do people treat him at work?
  • Is he capable of communication with others? I know he is able to communicate to the reader, but that's easy because we're inside the mind of someone who--while a savant--is capable of coherency.
  • Maybe some of his equations help a professor in a nearby college with a transformative conceptualization for the world we live in or the universe or something
  • Perhaps he comes up with an equation for ... fission vehicles (perpetual motion) or maybe he figures out a certain set of numbers calculate a formula to eliminate cancer, aids
Finally, you could do a lot with this, and make it interesting if you keep it in that same voice. All in all I think it's done well and you certainly have my interest.
__________________
Some things I've written

Things you probably shouldn't say
Forum Threads and Dreams
Carnival Loss
TheNextOne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2007, 04:03 PM   #3
Scribe
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Hollywood Florida
Gender: Male
Posts: 64
Alex44 is on a distinguished road
Send a message via AIM to Alex44 Send a message via MSN to Alex44
I like the idea. While I guess those are all things a savant may be thinking it kind of had two many little details about numbers at once. I do think you captured the essence of the character well, but it had the feel on a math book at times near the end. You may actually do better on this coming from the third person rather than first.

Overall it's just my opinion, but I like it and think you should continue.
__________________
'Think of all the things we put him through,
in the face of his god would he tell the truth?'

'Don't let them fall if your grip's not strong'

'Did you ever really know before my mind scared to think?'

'Casting quarters into wells that hold our dreams
You won't believe me... I wouldn't if you told me so'

'Now you wanna kill me in the act of what could maybe, save us from sleep and what we are'

Various Coheed Lyrics
Alex44 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:55 PM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password



Newsletter

Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
Email:


Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers