TheNextOne

Author's Note: This is fictional.
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What is this supposed to be? It doesn’t matter if you’re looking at humanity through the lens of personal experience or even the Internet. Nothing changes. Everyone wants to hear the sound of their own voice, that’s a fact. I’m no different. If I didn’t like what I thought I had to say I wouldn’t open my sound hole.

Doesn’t make me special, doesn’t make you special, and it doesn’t make anything or anyone less special either. It just is what it is. I want to be mad right now but I somehow lack the will…

You ever have one of those days where everything is put into perspective? You just see shit for what it is rather than what you want to think it is? Here’s an example: you go to work and just watch people interacting, you see business getting handled but you feel nothing. Not pride or satisfaction for a job well (or half assed) done. You come home, pop in a microwave dinner, sit and watch your previously recorded shows on TV before you pass out in an EMF daze. Twenty gazillion watts of electro magnetic radio waves sifting in and out of your cerebrum like sand gliding through the ocean depths.

You wake up, brush the crumbs and previous day’s dreams from your work attire, clean yourself up, show up for work and nobody notices. Or maybe you’re the clean person, the person early to rise and all that shit. You clip your nails, you shave every day, your pants and shirt are neatly tucked, your hair perfectly coiffed and your coffee expertly brewed waiting to boost you into another dull day of excruciating sameness.

I hate assholes like that. Actually I don’t, they serve an amusing purpose if for no other reason than to give me something else to bitch about. Like my own shit doesn’t stink? I’ve done the nine to five rat race. I’ve done the mooching-off-the-parents-so-I-don’t-have-to-work race. I’ve even done that stupid thing we call getting out on my own and then quitting because of a job related injury, sans benefits because I was technically considered a private contractor and blah blah blah, just one more way for the system to screw you in the ass. If the system could speak it would probably remind you how you would like another go-around because oh how the system like’s getting its jollies off on your personal misfortune.

Or is it fortunate? Being poor, unemployed, and one step away from the card board box lifestyles of the broke and the infamous could be seen as a goddamn blessing. Whatever it is it doesn’t matter because the fact is—and this goes back to my original comment—that people like to hear the sounds of their own voices, they like to hear their own opinions and rhetoric, their own version of humor which some of us are able to find funny and even laugh at.

I wonder if I were to go to my old psychotherapist and read this to her if she would think I didn’t get enough hugs growing up. I wonder if after printing it out I could nibble the paper into little spitballs to throw in her hair when she wasn’t looking during our never ending bore-fest sessions. I think about her candy apple red honey due hair styling filled with little white spit balls gleaming in the afternoon sunlight and permit myself a small smile.

As fun as that seems like it would be in my imagination I know it’s something I would never do. And not just because I have no therapist. But because if I did have one I wouldn’t bother going to such lengths for personal amusement. Some images are just better left inside the mind of the man who dreams them.

When it comes to enjoying life I do, but not in the way you might expect. I see it as this big cosmic joke, a play on consciousness if you will, where everything is inside the mind of one super consciousness which is infinite. This is my only solace.

If I had a dime for every bible thumping ‘Good Christian’ who asked me whether or not I’ve heard of Jesus I’d probably have…at least thirty cents anyway. You know the type, clean cut, dress shirt (tie optional) with dress trousers, bible in their left hand, slicked back hair, million dollar smiles, and the air of someone who innately experiences their superiority to anyone that doesn’t fit their model for life. They don’t make me sick, but sometimes I wished they could get a glimpse inside my scary ass mind and know what hell has the potential of really being.

I won’t even mind, in fact I look forward to, the day when I walk right by them in the after life and laugh my ass off at their incredulity at the way things really turn out to be. But if I’m wrong and I do go to hell I hope they don’t come down there and ruin the fucking party for me because that would really chap my ass for all eternity.

Can you love a dead man anyway? I guess you can. I love my grandpa and he’s dead. But I knew him. I don’t love Leonardo Da Vinci for example, never met the guy so I can’t say I love him and we all know he’s dead. Same thing with Jesus. Of course I respect what they did while they were alive. I’m not a total asshole.

I had a good friend once, she died.

I had a best friend once, and he lived.

There, now that my life’s story is out of the way we can get on to talking about things that really matter. One of my co-workers asked me if I thought Star Bucks was a national front for a more sinister purpose such as global domination. I wondered if my co-worker—we’ll call him Bob—was a conspiracy theorist from birth or he just grew up to be that way. I guess I’ll never know.

Instead of answering him I killed him in my mind with an imaginary nail clipper, just to see if the airline theory held up. Surprisingly those things are really dangerous, especially around the nipple area.

I live in a big hotel in the sky. I’m lying.

I live somewhere. That’s true.

Someone lives somewhere, even if they aren’t living, know what I mean?

Then these thoughts fade and I go back to watching more TV, unable to focus on a single important factor of any of my TV shows. I don’t know if I’m Lost or the people on the show are. Sometimes I think it’s a toss up.

Well I’ve said what I thought might be important. If you’ve read this far look for my body in the second closet to the left. Sorry I had to go out this way. Dinner’s on the table.

Oh wait, I live alone. Never mind.

Oh yeah, I forgot to say I could never kill myself. I’m probably still alive right now as you read this.

Okay, good bye.

__________________
Some things I've written

Things you probably shouldn't say
Forum Threads and Dreams
Carnival Loss

surreal_girl

I love your bible beater lines omg made me laugh so hard that i choked. oh dude your the bomb!!

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"I miss the comfort in being sad."- Nirvana
____So at least Im addicted to something good____

Deanna

That's the most amazing thing I've read in a long time. Wow...

nineteen

lol, love it. one of the best tings i've read. great job.

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(Please don't take my advice too seriously)

Oh Vanity, thy number is 19.

TheNextOne

I guess I should have expected this kind of response. It's a familiar voice, the grouchy voice we all have inside our heads on a bad day, maybe a bad hair day. It's not me although I admit I've had thoughts like it before.

It reminds me of the guy from Fight Club, the narrator who's name you never quite get to know.

Maybe I'll bring this guy out to play more often. Maybe I'll make a series of litanies for this character.
--cool man

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Some things I've written

Things you probably shouldn't say
Forum Threads and Dreams
Carnival Loss

Liffguard

That. Was. Awesome. It reads a lot like a Chuck Palahniuk story, like TheNextOne said.

penforhire

Things I probably shouldn't say?

Go fuck yourself.

__________________
Always without desire we must be found,
if the deepest mystery we would sound,
but if desire within us be,
its outer fringe is all we shall see.

TheNextOne

Right back atcha, pen. Here's your rating.

__________________
Some things I've written

Things you probably shouldn't say
Forum Threads and Dreams
Carnival Loss

penforhire

Right back atcha, TheNextOne. Here's your rating.

__________________
Always without desire we must be found,
if the deepest mystery we would sound,
but if desire within us be,
its outer fringe is all we shall see.

TheNextOne

Cool. Immitation is the highest form of flattery. Are you going to repeat everything I say like people used to do in the fourth grade?

I have a feeling you're more intelligent than that but do what you like. I don't care what you say about my work, like it or hate it, love it or leave it, but when you tell me to go fuck myself I'm almost tempted to find out what the offer is like.

So in the interest of keeping an impressionable mind like mine from doing the unthinkable I felt a retort was in order. If you're jealous at what I am able to produce in writing say so. If you aren't jealous and just hate the world in general, tell me that. Why make it personal if you don't know me? I get the retaliation back from what I said to you, and it's fair.

Guess what I'm saying is if you're going to attack me a little explanation goes a long way. If you're not attacking me specifically and are making blanket statements then fine.

If it's a war of words you're looking for with me you won't get one. I don't fight with words they fight for me, and if you're looking for trouble you'll lose because there won't be any to find.

I look forward to a brilliant response from you. Until I get one I will feel more sorry for you than upset by your feeble attempts to ridichule me.

Sincerely,
TheNextOne

__________________
Some things I've written

Things you probably shouldn't say
Forum Threads and Dreams
Carnival Loss

penforhire

I meant it as a joke.

Ridichule enough for you?

__________________
Always without desire we must be found,
if the deepest mystery we would sound,
but if desire within us be,
its outer fringe is all we shall see.

TheNextOne

Yes, plenty.

I appologize for the misunderstanding. New rating:

__________________
Some things I've written

Things you probably shouldn't say
Forum Threads and Dreams
Carnival Loss

Meg101

i loved it. it was very funny and i really felt the perspective of the protagonist.

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we were all born original. why die a copy?
-heard that quote from my friend Lauren [not sure if it ws her's though]

Isir Ruaa

The story casted a gloom in a mind, made me wonder when a character (or a person) thinks like that, is it reality they are seeing or a reality the mood permits? When a person snaaps out of a "fantasy" does the real world have to initially be negative because a majority of the time the fantasy was positive, too good to be true. Or maybe for the rare its the other way around. This is my response I'm not really sure of my complete feeling, it is mixed right now. I only have clear yet very foggy questions. But I can say the story does scratch deep, both ways.

kaytea111

pretty sweet!!! i like it..

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