JayLampert

Very cool bro. Enjoyed this and the follow-up you wrote. We share a pretty similar style, although yours is prehaps a lot darker than mine.

Here http://www.writingforums.com/critiqu...-find-out.html

Take care.

lin

Jews eat boogers.

Only Negroes descended from monkeys.

Hillary Clinton is a closet republican lesbian.

Those Minnesota bridge people deserved to die.

Fuck the war on terror: let's make war on Moslems.

Human beings are not an endangered species.

Why save the planet if you won't be around to enjoy it?

Nuke the gooks!

If they're old enough to bleed, they're old enough to breed.

Gun control supporters should be shot.

Whale meat is an aphrodisiac.

lin

Since nobody steps forward to refute these claims, I think we can take them as givens, if not eternal truths. (Online version)

JayLampert

I take it your American? If so, I'm not at all suprised..

Quillpen

It's well written but it really doesn't go anywhere. it seems like this : This is me watch me moan. some parts were entertaining yes like the bible thumper bit or the toenail clipper bit and I might have actually laughed a little if had been written differently besides just complaining and rambling.

*ahem* is there something wrong with being american? I am american and don't really agree with any of those statements or at least not the way they were phrased.Sure I'm not on the endangered species list but that doesn't mean i'm not worth something.

__________________
well, no more plot holes yeah!Now just for editing...
my website is writerhopeful.piczo.com

JayLampert

edit: Ah, sod it. I didn't join this lovely forum to get into potential flaming wars.

Peace.

lin

Being worth something is the quickest way to being endangered. They trapped out beavers, not rats.

ClancyBoy

We are all doomed doomed doomed.

I need to start planning my escape route for when war, global warming, peak oil, or economic collapse make cities unlivable. Harbin looks nice. I need to stop putting this off.

I think I might actually be smarter than everyone I know.

I think there may actually be a God.

How is it people don't know just how decadent and confused they are?

90% of the people alive today will probably be dead in 20 years.

I think John Titor might have been for real.

__________________
"Mother Hitton's Littul Kittons wait for you down there. Little pets they are, little little little pets. Cute little things, they say. Don't you believe it. No man ever saw them and walked away alive. You won't either. That's the final dash, flash. That's the utter clobber, cobber." --Cordwainer Smith, Norstrillia.

lin

Fuggin' heretic.

littlegirlblue

I swear to god - I want to be your best friend! lol Damn it - I looked in the third closet on the right..I knew you were there somewhere! hahaha

__________________
Little Girl Blue
"All the great ones have tortured souls."

TheNextOne

Hi everyone, thanks for the comments and the questions. No matter what else this short story (most short stories are primarily a bit pointless no matter what anyone tries to tell me), is or is not to you, it has clearly hit a nerve. It gets you thinking. It's supposed to touch on something inside you that you realize you have. If it doesn't do that, oh well--I tried, that much you can say.

Nothing wrong with being an American to me, you have to realize that I am not the protagonist of this first-person short story--it is all fiction. I do not necessarily agree with the things that the character said, but I condone it within the bounds of the fictional realm, and only there.

Thanks again to all for reading it and taking time to look at it. Anyone who wants to can be my best friend, I'm just a writersforum away.

__________________
Some things I've written

Things you probably shouldn't say
Forum Threads and Dreams
Carnival Loss

laciemn

Haa. This makes me determined NOT to live my life working at a pointless 9-5 job and eating TV dinners.

I won't I wont I won't damn you all!

Okay, yeah it was pretty good. It was a little long, after the first bit of ranting I was over it.

Edit: Forgot.
The one thing that shocked my poor mind was pretty minor.
honey due = honey dew

Damien.

I think I'm in love with you.

__________________
"I demand to choose your signature" - Tristiano