WWIII - Writers Forum

Jericho's Downfall · 03-26-2007, 09:05 AM

This was my original idea that gave birth to Wars of Jericho...this just wasn't that great, i outlined it first which is why it was not that great...i mean, the World Terror Alliance? I used Raven as a last name in Wars of Jericho again because i liked the name.

I tried to make it too epic.

Prologue:

“The year was 2021. I was 4. Bombs were detonated in every major city in the world by the WTA or World Terror Alliance. The President was assassinated and all other anti-terror world leaders were killed as well. An army of American citizens called Vengeance was formed. They were 500,000 soldiers strong. The leader of this group was Virus X. Real names were and are not used for Generals or Special Unit Soldiers. The fake first names are never the same and the higher the letter at the end, the better the rank. Virus X. was a former gunrunner and he supplied the army with weaponry, armor, and vehicles. Fast forward to 2048 Virus X. was killed in an assassination. Vengeance had gone from a new hope, to a nightmare in those 27 years. They were only 3,000 strong then. A new leader came into power, General Rayne F. A new plan came into action. Operation Retribution. This was an assault upon the WTA regimes occupying the US. Main focus of the attack was on the New York stronghold. With 3,000 soldiers, Vengeance didn’t have a prayer. They were nearly wiped out in a matter of days. They again tried another Operation Retribution attempt now in 2058. They succeeded and cleaned out New York. Vengeance is at 650 soldiers. We have been locked in this war since 2004. Since 2006 you have heard about it coming. This is World War III.”

Major Matthew Raven
MajorMatthew Raven

Jericho's Downfall · 03-26-2007, 09:06 AM

“This is it! What we’ve all been waiting for! To reclaim New York!” Rayne F. shouted this to his attack force of his 10 finest soldiers.
As he spoke, a grenade was thrown. Time began to seem slower as that fragmentation grenade detonated. Rayne F. and 5 others were killed. The other 5 were severely injured. They hid. The WTA hostile who threw the bomb could not locate them. After some long hours of recuperation and first aide, the 5 weary survivors regrouped and devised their plan.
Among the 5 was Major Luis Sanchez, 28, Sergeant Jonathan Reynolds, 30, special unit sniper Frostfire R., 23, Captain Jason Wolfchild, 19, and the new leader Major Matthew Raven, 41.
“What the hell are we going to do now?” Sanchez was afraid. He wouldn’t show it, but he was dealing with an internal conflict due to his fear of vulnerability.
“Why are you asking me? Jesus Christ…go ask Raven.” Wolfchild had terror and anxiousness plastered on his face. He was 19, he should be in college.
“Listen newbie. You are nothing. I am your superior. You will not raise your voice in my presence.”
“Calm the hell down Sanchez.” Raven said this with no emotion. Sanchez was defeated. “He is just a boy. When I was his age, I was as anxious and as full of rebellion as he is. War changed me though. It broke me. I have seen my father die fighting beside me.” He came back from his flashback with a reprimand of Sanchez. “We won’t get anywhere with you being a self-righteous elite prick! Like it or not you will get along with Wolfchild. Do I make myself clear?”
“Sir, yes sir.” This was forced and painful for Sanchez. He did not want to oblige to these orders.
Frostfire R. and Sgt. Reynolds had been quiet for this conversation. Finally, Reynolds spoke.
“We should devise a strategic battle plan.”
“Wow that is some insight. That must have taken you hours to think of.” Frostfire preferred sarcasm and was not a very good conversationalist. He was more of a misanthropist now that this war had broken out.
“Shut the hell up. I am a sergeant, you are a sniper.”
“Okay Mr. Sergeant. If I weren’t here, do you think one of you morons could fire a bullet into the chest of an enemy one hundred yards away without creating uproar of alarms and automatic weapons? No? Then shut up.”
Hostility was already prevalent without Rayne F. No one would respect the power of Matthew Raven. He needed to bring them together. He had a plan.
“Ok maggots. Here is the plan. If we do it right, we could be out of here in a day. If we do it wrong, we may never get out of here with all our body parts.”
The soldiers ignored their superior and continued fighting.
“SHUT THE HELL UP!” Raven rarely became enraged, but when death is the prize for the loser, he needed control. The soldiers were instantly silenced. “Here is the plan. Frostfire, you climb to the top of those ruins and see if you can locate the terrorist base. If you see guards snipe them. Contact us on the radio. Sanchez, you are the most powerful of all of us. I need you to carry the anti-tank weapon to the door when Frostfire has eliminated the guards. You will proceed to fire an anti-tank rocket at the door. Wolfchild will run in first because he is the quickest.
“WHAT?” Interjected Wolfchild.
Raven ignored him and continued talking.
“Once Wolfchild is in he will set a surveillance mine on detonation level five so once the camera on the mine views an enemy in the vicinity it will detonate one of the five level mines until it has killed five enemies. That should finish the guards. Once Wolfchild signals us, Reynolds will enter with night vision goggles to see through the smoke. He will keep in touch with Wolfchild through his radio. Once he gets here…” (Raven pointed to a map which he had unrolled.) “He will disable the doors. This will take him to the Communications Room. He will use a silenced electro-.45 and will disable the ComStation Weapon Control. Once this is disabled, all armed defenses will be disabled once a hostile has a moment to arm them.”
“Wait, where will you be during this operation?” Asked Sanchez.
“I will enter when the arms are disabled. My armor shield was deactivated, even short-term after the grenade blast. We have no contact with the outside world and a limited weapon supply. This is it boys. Our last stand. Let’s make it count.”

* * *

General Kristof Armand-Cain of the 9th German Fascist WTA unit had been in quiet surveillance with a small team watching the five Americans. He could not hear them from the distance but he could see every move they made.
“Have they advanced?” Asked Private Ahmed Jahaer of the 12th Arab Bomber WTA unit.
“Nein. How much ammo do we have left?”
“We have three artillery proton cannons and each of us have an M4, fully loaded.” Russian Separatist Victor Ivanovich had been silently scanning the area with thermal scanning goggles.

AirborneRooster · 04-05-2007, 01:34 AM

Sounds like a pretty good premise, but it seems a little too artificial. The dialog seems a little too fresh out of a B movie, to be honest. And One other thing that stood out to me was describing the "level 5 mine"... it would be better described from the narrator, rather than the person speakng. I would hope everyone he was talking to didn't need that long of an explaination.

I love the concept of the story. I think with a little more attention to detail would make this pretty badass. Might i suggest learning a little more about military life? Soldiers have a language that isn't quite cryptic, but noticably different than civilians. That would help a lot

Tsaeb XIII · 04-06-2007, 05:27 AM

I read the intro, but it put me off reading any more. I liked the story idea, but I've read works by 12 year olds that are more descriptive. Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh, but after that intro I'm not even trying the rest.

Jericho's Downfall · 04-09-2007, 10:08 AM

that's why i wrote wars of jericho