Porcelain

The mossy ground trembled below her feet as she ran along the soil of the dark forest, feeling the wind caress her bare arms, tossing around her plain tunic. Her auburn hair had shaken loose as she ran quickly; darting through the woodland of Ilsin, her bow and arrows equipped on her back. Quickly she spied her prey. A wild dragon roamed precariously around a large pine tree, its long slender snout sensing a disturbance. After no luck spying her as she hid behind an oak tree, the dragon lazily tucked its large claws and feet under its immense body and rested its scaly head on the fern bush close to the pine tree, puffed out a few clouds of smoke and fell asleep swiftly.

She lost no time in quickly retrieving an arrow from her quiver, stringing it into her bow, making sure it was taut. Aiming carefully as she was taught, scanning the dragon’s orange scales, and the deadly yellowed claws; pulling the bowstring tight against her cheek, then locking her stance and elbow in position. She released her fingers from the arrow and watched its brown feathers soar through the air, as if to cut it magically. Suddenly, the dragon’s head arose and easily caught the arrow out of midair in one of his colossal claws, and snapped it clean in half. Primrose stopped abruptly; her eyes widened as big as saucers as the dragon’s body cast a shadow over her whole body. She felt so horrified of what was going to happen to her that she couldn’t even shake with terror. It lowered its head down to her eyelevel, and blew a puff of smoke in her face. Primrose’s eyes closed and her knees gave out, as she fell with a large thud on the mossy ground.

A dull glow awakened Primrose, and almost immediately clasped her head in pain.
“You might want to relax for a bit,” said a voice “I’m procuring a remedy for your pain.”
Primrose sat up, noticing she was in a chair at least three times her size, still clasping her head and rubbing her sleepy eyes. “Who are you?” asked Primrose.
“Does it matter who I am?” answered the voice.
“Well, yes, kind of. It’s important that I thank you for rescuing me from that dragon”
“You didn’t think it was going to eat you did you?” questioned the voice.
“As a matter of fact I did!”
“Dreadful, positively dreadful. All you elvenlike think we’re all horrible man eating creatures.” Said the dragon as it waddled out from behind a stone wall with a large bowl and an even larger mug, and sat down on the chair next to Primrose’s.
“You didn’t eat me!?” squealed Primrose.
“Of course I didn’t, elvens taste horrid; it must be an acquired taste for some posh dragons.”
“I’d like to think that if you did eat me I’d taste nice” retorted Primrose.
The dragon looked up from his preoccupancy with his Dragonly Times newspaper and peered at her from over large half-moon glasses “Would you care to find out Miss?”
“No thank you, I’ve already been scared to death once today.”
“Ah, but if that were true, you’d be dead. You really must drink some of this though; it’s a remedy for your pain… what I’m sure must be worse than the morning after a party with free sarsaparilla liquor.” The dragon passed her the large mug over the table separating the two chairs. Primrose took the cup in both her hands and took quick sips from the rim of the mug, drinking her fill, and then struggling to climb up the table to the top from her chair. She got up the table and walked across it to his side; then graciously extended her hand for a handshake. “My name’s Primrose. What about you dragon?”
“Beithar, your all-in-one dragon. I’ve got it all, looks, charm, gold, you name it.” He retorted slyly.
“Personally,” stated Primrose “The large, orange and scaly aren’t my type.”

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WriterDude

I liked it. You are a good writer, and show some skill in forming the words as well as the story. It's not what you tell that's important, but how you tell it as well.

As for the story itself, I would like to read a bit more. It sounds promising, but care to tell us more about the setting? Is it a fantasy setting, sci-fi or real life? If it is fantasy or sci-fi, what does the world look like? Who lives there?

And of course, what will the story be all about?

Just one thing, though. Is the dragon in human or elven form after "saving" Primrose?

Dirk Embers

How bizarre, lol. I quite like it! It would make a good childrens book maybe. Depends on how it continues. Reminds me a little of the BFG. Which is a good thing because its not in your face like it. Anyhow goodluck with the rest of it.

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I wish I drunk coffee

Logos

No. Just No. If you use this phrasing you make your character sound like she is in a video game, DO NOT use RPG phraseology when writing genre fiction it sounds even hackey-er than genre fiction does normally. Not only that, but by saying this you're depriving yourself of a really easy way to talk about her body shape (obviously a busty goddess with flawless skin, because in fantasy there are no ugly people unless they are evil non-vampires.)

I stopped reading here. Here is the thing, it is a very basic principle of fantasy fiction, you need to establish a baseline for what is normal in your world. You do that by giving some better exposition of who this person is, and why she is doing whatever it is she does, the imagistic approach of just saying what happens, as you have done here is OK, just not a good place to start. I know your instinct is to start off like this, because you are an avid reader of fantasy stories, probably play Role-playing games, and generally are knowledgeable about the genre - this is a mistake because you are assuming that the reader knows what a dragon is, among other things.

If you had a narrator, or a character temporarily acting as a narrator at some point in the story to talk about what is going on, what it means to hunt a dragon, what a dragon is, why it's being done culturally, ecologically. All of these seemingly boring details will create drama, and draw a reader in.

Have you seen the Movie 300? Did your spine tingle when the Narrator (i forget his name) spoke, explaining so plainly and so simply that this was what it meant to be a spartan, these are the events in their culture that lead them to this point, and this is why it is such a heartbreaking act of defiance to stay behind and defend while the Arcadians fled.

Work out the details. Even talk about the specific things that this character knows about hunting dragons that someone who has never hunted a dragon would know about. The smells, the feeling of treebark on your skin. Sensory details will help.

Unless you are content with making lists of things that the characters do and calling it fantasy because some freak at fanfiction.com thinks its gold.

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"I think, therefore I am confused"
-Robert Anton Wilson

Porcelain

Wow, lol, last few times I checked on here there were no comments.
*cough*
anyways, thanks for your input guys.
I'm glad some of you liked it ^^
And I can really use all the help I can get in every aspect of writing. Still young and freshminded; might aswell absorb all the advice I can get.

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penforhire

Two things that turned me off:

Fat paragraphs.

No Hook.

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Always without desire we must be found,
if the deepest mystery we would sound,
but if desire within us be,
its outer fringe is all we shall see.