Glen1

“It is 11 p.m. and where is he? He said that he was working late at the office and that he would be home by 8 o’clock. So where is he?”

A few minutes later:


“There you are!”
“Marilyn, I’m sorry that I was late. I had to get some work done.”
“Todd, you told me that you would be home by eight and it is now 1115. Where have you been? What is that red ring on your collar and why do you smell like some cheap cologne?”
“If you must know I had dinner with a young single client. We went to her home afterwards and slept together for awhile. I told her that I was married and that I had a wife waiting for me at home.”
“Todd, I think that you should sleep out here on the couch tonight. You broke one of the Ten Commandments of God this evening. We could get a divorce on the grounds of marital infidelity. I don’t want that. So we’ll call and talk to a Priest in the morning. It is Saturday tomorrow and we’ll see if we can talk to someone. Good Night.”

The Next Morning:


“Marilyn, I didn’t sleep at all last night.”
“Then you’re sorry for what you did yesterday.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to break up over this. She was just a lecherous girl named Marti. I already had some coffee and some toast. I need to get some clean clothes and a shower plus a shave.”
“Todd! Go ahead; I also don’t want to break up. We’ve been married for 15 years this next month.”
“I’ll call the Rectory at 9:30 to see if someone can help us.”


After calling the Rectory, Todd went to tell Marilyn about their appointment. “Marilyn, our appointment to see a Priest is at 11:30 today. They said to be there at 10:30 and they would see us earlier.”
“Which Priest are we seeing?”
“I think that it is Father Paul.”
Both of them arrived at the Rectory a little early and Father Paul saw them. Todd was the first to speak. “Father, I did something wrong. I had sex that was unprotected with a young woman that was unmarried. This bothered my wife. She doesn’t want us to separate and neither do I.”
“Todd, you and Marilyn should not split up. We have a relationships counseling group here at the church that would help both of you. The group meets each Wednesday evening from 6 to 7:30.”
“We’ll both be there.”
That next Monday both Todd and Marilyn arrived at the church for the group. There were six other couples in the group all with the same problems that they had. Father Paul was the leader. They all talked and they all welcomed Todd and Marilyn.
After the first several sessions, Todd felt different about what he did wrong. He vowed before God to never let his relationship with Marilyn go astray again.
Father Paul was instrumental in getting the local authorities to investigate the social life of the girl named Marti. They found out that she does the same thing for at least 15 nights a month. She was later sent to a State Hospital on a commitment for social purposes.
Marilyn and Todd both found out and they thanked Father Paul for doing what he did. Two years later, they are still together and doing fine.

671 Words

__________________
Glen Mayberry - Writer
glenmayberry@peoplepc.com
http://360.yahoo.com/ggmayberry
www.eliteskills.com/usglen

Garden of Kadesh

Sounds like some kinda televangelist narrative.

It seems...incomplete. I suppose that's why it's in here. Perhaps it's part of a different story?

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"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them."

- Catch 22

IJS

I thought this was going to lead somewhere like to a murder or maybe Marylin's explosion but nothing really happened. I can understand why it's in "File 13" because it's incomplete and isn't really a story - it's more of a series of, no offense, boring incidents.

Maybe as the person mentioned above, it was part of another story. I mean, in the story - I found it awkward that the woman didn't explode when he told her he'd been cheating and also that he came out with it like it was nothing, like it happens all the time. And then she used the whole religious counseling as sort of a crutch to assist her and bring her husband to right and maybe, I thought, you could have told why he did it... maybe he has a hidden hate for the church... I don't know. I honestly think you could develope this into something good. Anyway, good luck and keep writing.

RobYoung

I wanted to see others people feedback before I gave any, because this is the File 13 folder. However, I can not believe anyone who finds out that a spouse has been cheating reacting the way your character did here.

There should at the very least be some yelling, crying, and maybe some cursing.

I think you have elements of a good story (sex, adultry, reconciliation). It is just I did not believe any of the characters. For instance, The guy was not straight laced enough to stay faithful, but he can't even attempt to come up with a lie for where he has been. I think 99% of men or women who found themselves in that situation would at least try a lie.

Hey -- I did not mean this to be harsh, but helpfull. God knows I need some myself.

Rob

Tundra Belle

Hi Glen1,

I find myself agreeing with the others.

You have a story here that is rife with potential. We're just not exactly sure where the potential is.

Can you tell us what (if any) your expectations/goals are for this piece? Where do you wish to go with it? Armed with the answers to those questions, we might then be better able to construct a more informative critique for you. At this point I'm not convinced it's File 13 material.

Cheers,

__________________
T-Belle
Keep it simple, make it move.