CandieK

Feather soft wisps curl like silk over my feet
on cloud nine the silver lining is in your eyes.
But I look away, knowing the brilliance won’t last.
It never does.

Hopes and dreams can fall like rain,
Lightening ripping a wound in the sky,
Melting away this illusion that has us floating
I fall alone again with a broken wing.

I wonder,
Would you still hold my hand?
If you could see
through my glassy windows
And peek at my soul,
The whole truth nestled deep inside.

Do you not wonder?
Do you not doubt?
You lift my head gently and smile.
Perfection is an illusion,
And love and blind leap.
Maybe with fingers linked
We can will the hand of fate.

I let go of the breath I held.
Whether angels cry or demons laugh,
I tilt my head and wait.

If you’re not afraid,
Neither am I.

__________________
-Groucho Marx

Cornish Maid

Why on earth would you want to throw this away? I like it.

Near the end where you say 'I let go of the breath...' - I hadn't realised until then that I was holding mine too!

I'm not sure what you are saying in the first line, but I like the rest; especially the last two lines.

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Proof read carefully to see if you any words out. unknown.

CandieK

Because it's completely disheveled, non-rhythmic, and long.

But thank you! Maybe tis true what they say of one mans' trash is anothers' treasure.

As for the first line,... it's as if I'm standing on delicate fabric of "cloud nine" and the silver lining is in his eyes because of his optimism. Make sense?

Thanks again hun ~CK

__________________
-Groucho Marx

DabigJimdogg0

You had me through the first two stanzas and then you lost me. I used to ask questions alot in my earlier poetry, but most of the time they just don't seem to work. Poetry is supposed to evoke questions and so instead of just blantanly giving them a question to answer, you should be making them ask themselves this question as you go through the poem. You have something to work with here, though. I think you should continue on working with it. Put it away for a month or so, read a lot more poetry, then come back to it. That's how I got alot of my favorite poems.

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We are the children of the Nightmares.

CandieK

Thank you for the advice Jimmy. =) I write tons of poetry and end up trashing most of it. It's more of a emotional release than anything I would try and get published. And thanks for the encouragement, always appreciated.

__________________
-Groucho Marx