Evangeline's horrible life - Writers Forum

Bahnree · 12-31-2006, 01:53 AM

This piece started out fun, but I hit writer's block pretty quick. I thought it would be fun to write about a girl who was convinced the world and everything in it was out to get her, but it just ended up boring and depressing. Please comment!!!

It was going to be a bad day. She could tell in the first five minutes she was awake. The kind of day where men popped out of nowhere who could control the weather, and threw fog and sleet at you. The kind of day where maternal types talked at you for hours and finished with, “this is not a lecture, I just care about you.” The kind of day where Latin verbs decided to march in protest against discrimination in favor of nouns and adverbs.
Evangeline, or Evie, thunked her head on the breakfast table as her brother’s bugle burst into song upstairs. “Have these young men no ears to hear?” she muttered into the table.
“Don’t be so grumpy, young lady,” her mother said cheerfully, practically skipping into the room with her newspaper and coffee cup (half-empty already). “Start the day with sunshine!”
Evie looked up from the table, very slowly, and gave her mother a dirty look. “You’re mad,” she stated and went into the kitchen.
Her toast, which had been a very promising piece of white bread minutes ago, was now a burned cinder with little feathery edges that might have been crust. Evie sighed. “I hate my life.” She dumped the toast down the sink and decided to just go upstairs and get ready for school.
Entering her room, Evie took a grim look around. Her bed was unmade, blue covers and sheets tossed this way and that: showing her night hadn’t been much better than her day was going to be. Clothes were all over the room, as if a pack of highly talented parrots on Vicatin had been loose all night as well. Soda cans and books littered the room as well.
Evie gave her laptop a pat as she passed it on the way to her closet. Pulling open the door with a sigh, she glared at her motley array of clean clothing with distaste. After considering and discarding about a dozen options, she finally just grabbed a gray hoodie and jeans.
“Days like this don’t deserve to make me look bad,” she said. “So I’ll just start out completely boring and neutral.”
Next she surveyed her lumpy pile of schoolbooks. Which ones did she have to have today? She grabbed the biggest, most important-looking ones and dumped them in her backpack. “At least I’ll get some body-building done!”
Wowwww this is like the most boring thing ever.
Evie goes to school. WHEEE school. Her classes are full of sadistic teachers, sarcastic students, and homework assignments that vaguely resemble Mount Everest.
“Dude, Evie, what is wrong with you today?” Her friend Soren asked with a grin. “You look like someone in the room killed your best friend, and you act as if you’re plotting to kill theirs.”
“Just having a bad day, that’s all.” Evie said, dumping her backpack down beside her desk.
“What happened to make it a bad day?” he asked.
“Nothing, it just is,” she said forcefully. “I can feel them coming from a mile away. It’s a bad day.”
Soren just laughed. “Your day is what you make it, girl,” he said, and turned to the front of the room as the teacher cleared her throat meaningfully.
He doesn’t get it, Evie said, staring at the teacher but not listening at all. My day is exactly what it wants to be, without finding any need to consult me.

Mid-evil Fanatic · 12-31-2006, 07:46 PM

hrm... Yes indeed. That's really cool writing and I can see how it would become depressing. But perhaps instead of taking her perspective ie: It was going to be a miserable day. you should make it more comical by makeing it your perspective as a god type and telling people about her plight ie: She knew in her head it was going to be a simply horrid day. and it would help to have something in your head that keeps you looking forward to writeing the rest. sure she has an awful life and she thinks the world has turned is ugly back on her, but then something incredible happens, she falls in love, she transports to a mystical place that make her life look like cherry pie and it becomes good there, something that will make her take a more positive outlook on life. that's what makes it good for you, the person reading and the person in the book. It would suck if it was like: and it was true! The world hated her so it caused a bus to run her over.

I really like your style. and I hope you'll say something in response to this because when I give anyone advice they ussualy seem to hate me afterward when I'm just trying to be nice. lol so yeah I'll see you around.
-me

Bahnree · 01-01-2007, 01:20 PM

lol I don't hate you, I'm grateful for the feedback! Thanks lots!!!
Yeah, I guess I need to just figure out something good to happen to her.

Mid-evil Fanatic · 01-01-2007, 06:18 PM

cool, great, I'm happy that it might help... and that you don't hate me. lol

Mid-evil Fanatic · 01-04-2007, 02:01 PM

so yeah, do you think you might write more of it and post it on here? Because I really would like to read some more of it.