faithless

Over a year ago, I started writing a story as practice. I have not had much time for writing since. The story opened with the paragraph posted below. At the time, I thought it was flawless. My beliefs have changed. Now I feel that it is too much description to give the mere setting of the story.
It paints a nice picture, but does nothing to advance the plot. However, parts of it did mirrior the plot in their symbolism.

I would appreciate your knowledge in two areas. Is there anything technically wrong with this excerpt (such as grammar)? Do you agree with my concern: that it is too many words for mere description of setting (for a novel)?

"The storm had been gathering for some time, gray clouds with swirls of black and white against a faded, sunless sky. With a strike of lightning, the rain poured down in heavy pellets, splashing onto the city of Dranor, dampening the enormous, protective stone walls and the cobblestone streets, dampening the rotten beggar’s shacks and ornate noble’s towers alike. The flow of commerce averted instantly, like blood leaking from veins; marketplace vendors shut their doors and secured their tents, the populace scrambled in every direction into buildings, into houses and stores. The streets were left empty, drowned in puddles of mud and bits of trash.
Water seeped beneath the saturated earth, life sinking into darkness, into loam and rot, slowly, trickling through iron pipes cracked with rust, past hand-carved stone blocks green with algae, beyond fragments of the past, down into the depths of that darkness--to the dungeons--where it beaded into shimmering droplets illuminated by faint torchlight, falling from ceiling to floor in a patter."

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is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
-Albert Einstein

zeeby

wow, very nice picture, i have to say that your concerns should be outweighed by your pride in this opening. I find myself wanting to know more of the story, so as for advancing the plot, you have the rest of the chapter. The two most important parts of a story are the opening and the ending. This is beauiful, and i think you should have no worries

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wmd

I agree... this is a great description. I am assuming that this story is a fantasy setting right?

It does make me want more. I want to know who is in the dungeon. Someone that will have serious implications on the story? Perhaps the hero is imprisoned there and is rescued some how? Please tell me.

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faithless

To zeeby: Thanks. While I mostly agree with you, I still wonder what an editor would think. From what I have heard, opening a story with the weather is taboo. Some argue that it bores the reader and adds nothing to the story. But if you enjoyed it and wanted more, that is all that matters.

To wmd: Yes, the story was fantasy. (However, it included only humans as an intelligent race and very little magic--mostly a "medieval with a twist" story.) Yes, the main character starts out in the dungeons due to a certain oddity he has that those in power fear. Many across the land are imprisoned for the same reason. He is not rescued, but escapes when something goes terribly wrong in those dungeons.

I am pleased to get such a reaction over what is no more than a brief description of a city. If time allows, I might have entire short stories to post here. Thanks for the responses.

__________________
is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
-Albert Einstein