a random journal entry - Writers Forum

Fakespeare · 12-10-2006, 11:55 AM

Journal Entry 3: My Name
Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Many names have vastly interesting stories behind them. My name is not one of those names. Rachel Austin [Fakespeare]. When my mother was pregnant with her first child, she had no idea as to what it’s body parts would be. She glanced through a few lists of girls names. The only name she really liked was Rachel. She mentioned it to my father, who really had no care as to what the thing was called. He said he liked it, so it was set. Now, if it were to be a boy, then it was my father’s choice of what to name him. Turns out, it was a boy. Dad named him Robert James [Fakespeare]. Out of some strange coincidence, Robert and James both happen to be highly prominent names in my mother’s family. My mother had a red-headed brother named James. Coincidentally, Robert James [Fakespeare] had, you guessed it, red hair. My mother was allowed to name one of her newborn brothers, and she named him Robert. Robert soon died due to God smiting my mother’s family for overpopulating the earth. Coincidentally, Robert James [Fakespeare] will also eventually die, but not for the same reason… I hope.

My mother was, once again, pregnant. This time, she knew what I was. She already had my name prepared, so she wrapped it in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge to wait for me. Sometime near September 16, 1990, they remembered that most kids get a middle name. They chose Austin, which was my Dad’s mother’s grandmother’s husband’s grandfather’s Last name, or, more simply, my great great grandmother’s married name. This was not a coincidence. They did it on purpose.

Now, most names have a meaning that they come from. Very rarely does the meaning actually reflect anything about a person, except, on occasion, gender. Rachel means, “Like a little lamb/ewe”. In other words, I am an innocent, quiet little four legged hoofed creature that is often seen being chased by dogs. If you shave me you get wool. And I taste quite delicious when you slit my throat and let the blood drain out of me, slowly. This description, I most certainly hope, does not fit me at all. I am actually a malicious, loud little two legged creature with feet. I am often seen chasing dogs. If you shave me, you will get a very ugly and angry girl. If you slit my throat and let the blood drain out of me slowly, you get a murder charge. Prison food is not delicious. It is thus easy to see why this name doesn’t fit. Austin has a wide variety of meanings, including helpful, a city in Texas, a descendant of the adopted sun of Julius Caesar, revered, and exalted. I have never in my life been in Texas. I am certainly not helpful, as my mother will gladly tell you. No where in my Genealogy will you find anyone related to Caesar. I am certainly not revered or exalted. I live in the bible belt. They save all that revering and exalting for some guy nailed to a tree.

Well, there you have it. What I’m called, why I’m called that, and why it doesn’t fit.

Emerson Darkness · 12-12-2006, 04:59 AM

Heh. Somewhere in all this you forgot to mention how you got so good at writing.

Fakespeare · 12-12-2006, 03:16 PM

Psha. Thanks!!

I'm really not all that good. This was just a random thought I had over the summer, brought to you by sparknotes journal entry prompts. They're SO boring. I spice them up!

I thought about starting a blog with them, but the idea died when I lost pride in my writing.

Thanks, though. With my writing final coming up tomorrow, compliments help.

Emerson Darkness · 12-12-2006, 03:40 PM

Good punctuation... well placed thoughts... a strategic intro, body, and conclusion...

For a young person who "just put together a random thought, and has lost pride in her writing," you pen some entertaining and imaginative brick-a-brack.

Goodluck with that writing final. (Yeah, because it's totally like you really need it!) It's going to be a walk in the park for you.

earthman buck · 12-12-2006, 04:04 PM

Wow. Your journal entries are waaay more interesting and understandable than mine. You're my hero.

Fakespeare · 12-12-2006, 04:06 PM

Well, it would be if it were fiction. Haha. I can't get away with creatively worming my way out of writing prompts anymore. I learned that the hard way.

Example of creatively worming your way out of an assignment?

Assignment: Write a persuasive paper on which medium is better, books, movies, or plays.
What I wrote: A fake medical paper on the damaging effects of BWD(book worm disorder). It was very very humerous, especially for a 6th grader, and every name included was a clever pun (Yul B. Reedin, for example). It included a whole 3 sentence paragraph stating that BDW sufferers often despise other mediums, including plays and movies. I turned it in a week late. I got a 100 and a request to submit it to a contest.

Life was sooo much easier then. I don't think I actually ever wrote a non-fiction paper until I was in 8th grade. I always wrote a fictional version that included all the necessairy details, and since it was usually better than all the non-fiction stuff, I got away with it.

Too bad public education's so lame.

edit:// Thankya Earthman! Trust me, I have my fair share of boring entries. You all should look at my fifth grade journal. UGH. *whinewhinewhinewhinemoanwhinewhine*.

earthman buck · 12-12-2006, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fakespeare

Assignment: Write a persuasive paper on which medium is better, books, movies, or plays.
What I wrote: A fake medical paper on the damaging effects of BWD(book worm disorder). It was very very humerous, especially for a 6th grader, and every name included was a clever pun (Yul B. Reedin, for example).

Again, let me just say you are my hero.

Fakespeare · 12-12-2006, 04:48 PM

haha. Thanks.

I'm pretty sure I was my own hero then, as most middle schoolers tend to be. I wonder where that report went...