ACertainJustice

Swish goes the story as it lands into the plastic folds of the garbage bag...

This is actually a peice I love, but it dosent make sense to anyone besides me. It's also pointless and short. Okay...so its a love hate relationship. Anyways...here goes nothing.

I sit here and try, every day I try, to picture my fathers face. I don’t know why, but it has become like a game to me. Someone once called me vain, because I spent so much time looking in a mirror, but they never knew the real reason.

When I was younger I would spend hours trying to extract the exact features of my face that belonged to him. I guess that I thought that if I could hide his parts with makeup, my mother wouldn’t look at me and see him. I suppose that then it was a desperate stab at my mothers love, and now it is like a comfort blanket. I don’t know the logic in how trying to see a rapist in me is comforting, but I suppose it’s because I never really do separate his features from my mother’s. I think it is in those times that I can sometimes pretend that I was born into a normal family, and that my father left like so many fathers do today.

After my mother died I had no one to compare my halves to and suddenly I was completely and utterly alone. For the first time in my life, I was myself. I wasn’t half my mother and half a rapist, I was just simply me. I gave up looking for my father long ago. Maybe it was the cold hard realization that I would never know who I was that sent me spiraling into depression. Now I sit here alone, sipping the sin of my mother while plagued by the thoughts of my father.

I survive like this, one day at a time. One fuckin day at a time.

Okay, I think the only reason why I love this so much is because of the line "Sipping the sin of my mother while plagued by the thoughts of my father." Of course this makes no sense inless you know that her mother was an alcaholic and her father raped her mother...

The End.

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"The clock is the king of modesty and humility. Indeed, it declares: Another hour has gone by, and what have I fixed in this world?" ...R. Noah of Lechovitz

Emerson Darkness

Hardly pointless, and certainly insightful content-wise.

It was interesting to say the least, and a stumbling block to your opening comments.

ACertainJustice

Thanks. the reason why i didint think it would be very popular (atleast on this site) is because it's really incorrect when it comes to things like setence structure. I also felt that my transitions from one train of thought to another was choppy. Thank you very much for the kind words though! and i'm really glad you liked it.

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"The clock is the king of modesty and humility. Indeed, it declares: Another hour has gone by, and what have I fixed in this world?" ...R. Noah of Lechovitz

Loulou

I loved this short piece - it reached somewhere in me that not many things do. I identified with such a lot. Obviously that's just my emotional response. As for constructive critique - I liked the use of 'fuckin' in the last sentence. It gave punch when you'd been relatively restrained and poetic prior to this. I think this might make a superb prologue to a longer story if you could take it somewhere......

ACertainJustice

wow, thank you so much. I would love to continue this, but it might take me a while to think of a good plot to go with this. haha I am defanitly open to ideas. I kind of want to do a "day in the life" of a person living with so many skeletons in her closet, but i I always have trouble finding an origional solid plot with those sort of stories.

I am very glad that no one got mad at me for swearing, as i know that it is not considered proper english. My character is suppose to be a rather conservative sort. She dosent drink, swear, smoke etc... Simply because she is terrified of herself, terrified of knowing what she is capable of with a rapists blood in her. So when she swore in the end a "bang" as you put it was exacly what i was aiming for.

Thank you so much, and who knows, maybe you will see the rest of the story kicking around here someday.

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"The clock is the king of modesty and humility. Indeed, it declares: Another hour has gone by, and what have I fixed in this world?" ...R. Noah of Lechovitz

Small-town_Wright

Justice,

I donno. The story made plenty of sense to me. I could guess from "...Now I sit here alone, sipping the sin of my mother while plagued by the thoughts of my father...." that her and her mother are/were alcholics. and of course, she said her father's a rapist.

There be not points in writing other than to entertain or explain. your story entertained me, in a oddly morbid way.

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Gehrig

Too good to toss away is my view. This is a powerful piece for sure, based on an interesting premise. It makes me wonder about this person. Where they able to overcome such a traumatic beginning, or are they destined to follow the same path? Beyond looks, do they have the traits of either? Does that cause conflict within them? How do they handle that conflict?

This piece is rich with possibility.

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"If I see an ending, I can work backward."
- Arthur Miller

Quillpen

interesting piece, though I think in some way you need to voice how proper your main character so she isn't looked upon by the reader as just anohter cussing character they don't treally want t read about.True it brought about a ouch but the reader wants to know how and why the puch was thrown if that makes any sense.Other than that unless I want to go into whole stupid "I spent twenty minutes of my time looking for a sentence fragment" there aren't any problems.

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well, no more plot holes yeah!Now just for editing...
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