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Tritians Amzing Sayings.
(Dis)Some Of These May Be offensive(DisC)
These are all part of the comdey book I was once writing.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
If you are psychic - think "HONK"
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Don't get me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies!
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
Grow your own dope, plant a man.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I love animals, they taste great.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots....I married their king. (That one is one I made up for a freind not me)
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Eschew obfuscation.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.
Editing is a rewording activity.
Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen
Allow me to introduce my selves
Better living through denial
I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....
Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done
Too many freaks not enough circuses
Ambivalent? Well yes and no....
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Is it time for your medication or mine?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck
How do I set the laser printer to stun?
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be ... ?
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Adults are just kids who owe money.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
You! Off my planet!
-Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
I'm just driving this way to get you mad.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
Hang up and drive.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends.
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It works better if you plug it in.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
You have the right to remain silent....Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
These are owened and copyrighted by the Tritian Comdey Inc. You may not copy them or use them without my permission Thank You.
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Seen it all, Done it all, Can't Remember most of it.
Last edited by Tritian : 10-26-2006 at 01:17 PM.
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