saintoflight

This is me when approached by Josh. This I thought might make an interesting story, well part of one anyway.

'I HATE YOUR FREAKIN GUTS', is what I felt like yelling at the stupid prick standing
beside me, the end of his cap tapping the side of my head, he was standing so close.
"Sho" is what I actually said moving my arms back and forth trying desperatley to get rid
of the creature. How a person like that can call consistant yabberring a converstaion is
beyond me. If the other person you're talking to is clearly not interested in what you have
to say, well if I we're him I'd leave me alone.

Fictionfreak

...I don't see any indication of effort at all. If you asked me to describe what I just read, I wouldn't be able to.

You need-

-length

-shorter sentences

-enough of a plot to captiviate the reader

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**Show and tell is for preschool. Writers, grow up and show DONT tell.**

Link to my story-
Manipulators, http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...ipulators.html

Fictionfreak

Oops... thought this was in the critique thread.

__________________
**Show and tell is for preschool. Writers, grow up and show DONT tell.**

Link to my story-
Manipulators, http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...ipulators.html

saintoflight

lol. I was just frusterated at Josh is all. Thanks anyway.

Quillpen

'Kay.defiinatley shows anger.

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well, no more plot holes yeah!Now just for editing...
my website is writerhopeful.piczo.com