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Go Back   Writing Forums > Creativity > File 13
A Star of Viciousness A Star of Viciousness
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File 13 Got something you were going to throw away, something that just didn't fit or work out the way you planned? Share it here.

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Old 03-08-2006, 02:24 AM   #1
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THE JESUS STRANGLER is on a distinguished road
A Star of Viciousness
High atop morning star
Sits a throne laced with candle wax
Coinciding with the arrival of the sun
Shrouded in fog and bats

A kindred sceptre of blood and harsh weather
With a trident aimed at glory
In the darkness of those back woods
The mistress of Babylon mourning

Placed upon fortune and jewels
A deceptive grin summoning fools
This gold she hearts for it she'll give her head
The shed contains lots of tools

With baby's bred to butter
A lactative fed the mother
No longer thinking for herself
She will die like no other
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Last edited by THE JESUS STRANGLER : 03-08-2006 at 03:01 AM.
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Old 03-08-2006, 06:20 PM   #2
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i should just trash this huh???
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Old 03-14-2006, 02:45 AM   #3
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i don't think you should trash this. it's got a lot of great lines in it, but your rhythm is off. few syllables here, few syllables there and you've got a perfected poem. why did you post this in file 13, me wonders??
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Old 03-14-2006, 01:30 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mjk
why did you post this in file 13, me wonders??

Just seemed like trash to me.
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Old 03-14-2006, 06:58 PM   #5
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so are you going to do something with it?
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Old 03-14-2006, 07:51 PM   #6
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I don't know are you going to dig it up if I throw it in the trash?
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Old 03-14-2006, 07:55 PM   #7
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i think the imagery is great in this poem, however you need to find a format and stick to it.
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Old 03-14-2006, 08:50 PM   #8
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it's your poem, trash away if you think that's where it belongs.
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