TylerC

Well, I got a bit ambitious with this piece, I’ll admit. It was going to be a short story – a pretty surreal one, but I’ve been having a lot of trouble with it.

So now I’m debating whether or not to trash it. Any potential?

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I stood upon the beaten path, and beyond me hung a scarred wooden door. Dirt and gravel shot up and showered my legs, launched by the gravity of the shaken Earth upon which I walked. I challenged exhaustion and summoned the energy to tread upon the muddy walkway; and to push forth was my only purpose, to reach the door in which I hoped to cross.

The gateway to a temple I found was not the purpose of this entrance, but an escape from a laden reality. To cross a realm I would dare challenge in the thick, moist air of this tropical wasteland. For beyond that gateway, I could only spot but a thick blanket of darkness, and in this blackness I found but an absolute void of light.

I advanced further upon the door, and as I moved closer to it, I found no desire stronger to push it open and to peer upon the innards of this humble temple. The doorway moaned upon rusted hinges, squealing against the force of my hand. As I had feared, the sunlight did nothing to light the area beyond the door.

And lo’, an old man appeared within the temple and approached me. His face was wrinkled and sagging, his skin melting upon his face’s structure. He searched the forest, his head turning and tilting as he leaned beyond the doorway. As though I were a ghost, his eyes moved through me and showed no sign of acknowledging my presence.

I stood in patience, observing the man’s movements, and then I dared to speak a word. With my voice dry and raspy, I said, “Hello.” And to break the silence, I thought, would grab the man whose attention I hoped to gather.

He snapped back and shifted his focus. His eyes were sharp, and sent chills down my spine as he came to stare. I stepped back and inched away, grasping for air, but it was all too late. His hand lunged out and fastened upon my shirt.

halfapersona

Unfortunately I can't really answer your question of whether to bin it on not. You write very well and the story (while possibly needing a little bit of an edit here and there) reads well. I like the descriptions but I have no idea of what's really going on. I know you said it was a surreal short story but from what I read of the peace I'm not sure where you're going with this, or even if it's complete as it as a fragment. There's no real problem with that, it just means you are the most likely to know whether it's worth holding onto or not because you are the one who knows where the story is going.

Of course, if you'd like to post where you are going with it I'm sure someone would be willing to give you some advice or encouragement. To boil it down though, I liked what I read, even if I wasn't always sure what I was reading.

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'Heavy words are so lightly thrown.'

Riku

Well, if you were to continue this story, who would this person be and why is he going into the temple. It's nice but it's leaving us with too many questions. If you can muster up a bit of time and start to type on it again, do it. It's good, regardless of the fact that it needs a tiny bit of editing...

Keep writing.

Paige

This is a really great start. I do think you should continue it.