Aremthis

I wrote this one day when I was bored, and I liked it, and I was working on a story but it didn't work anywhere that I could see.

Confident, I am confident I will win. I have to, after all my cause is just. And good over shadow’s evil, right? All those tales, stories, they weren’t written from nothing, were they? They couldn’t have been! No, they weren’t. If there was no good, no one could think of good. Therefore good couldn’t be written! But since good was written, there must be some good. But then how do I know there isn’t some balance, sometimes good wins, and sometimes evil wins. Maybe it’s just random; The God’s just roll dice to decide the fate of the defender of justice. Or maybe there’s a system that not only determines fate, but whether someone is truly good or not. Well, maybe we both are good. Both defending justice as we each have been taught. But however we have been taught differently. But in the stories I’ve read, good is a question of morals. And I think I have to continue that Legacy. When everything is said and done, I will right my own story

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bobothegoat

I'm going to be brutal with this, so get ready...

Ahem. There seems to be a lot of possesives in place of verbs and plural nouns. IE, you're not properly using the apostrophe.

Example: "Over shadow's evil" is saying that something is above shadow's (ie, my friend's dog's name) evil. rather than overshadows evil, the correct form. This also show up in "the God's just" There are also some other weird errors such as unneeded Capitalization like in the case of the word, "Legacy." And what's with the opening sentence? Maybe I'm missing something, but I had to force myself to just pretend the first instance of the word confident wasn't even there. It cause a roadblock in my head, and I think you should have just had the sentence as, "I am confident I will win."

Another problem is that you start your sentences with conjunctions too much. There are too many sentences begining with and/or/but. And they're all in a row. (Please forgive the ironic hypocrisy in this )

Now that I've got the grammatical stuff out of the way, I'm going to go into content. This seems to meta-book-ish to me. It almost seems like it's trying to hard to seem profound. Just get to the point and spare us the psycho-babble.

In short, and I hate to say this, I can see why this went to file 13.

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Bobo the Goat

Aremthis

Ah, well, whatever, thats the first one I've ever done, so I really don't care.

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