NoWorries

I wrote this sitting in Mississippi, all depressed over some other girl...I didn't know I'd actually saved this, and was considering throwing it out. What do you think?

Wistful Thinking
A short story
By Canyon Shearer
May 2003


There are a lot of ways you can break up with a girl. Once, in a fit of satire, I called it quits with a cute brunette because she didn’t like the movie Pulp Fiction. Of course, on that occasion, I let her think that she finished the relationship because she stormed out after I called her shallow.

It was a lot less drama that my wooing of Ali concluded. I just stopped calling her. That was four months ago, and a lot has happened in my life since then. I’ve since joined the Air Force and am in the middle of technical training. It is a strange coincidence that I will be stationed just north of Dallas for the summer, and the aforementioned Ali will also be living in Dallas until August.

It’s funny sometimes when you think back to why a relationship ended, sometimes you can’t come up with a good reason. Maybe you say that time heals all wounds, I think you just forget the bad things. All I can remember is that she was not one that welcomed change, and that hurt my ego. You see, us guys like to see that we are causing a change for the better on the girls we are partaking in; we get indignant when they stay the same. Other than her being tenacious, Ali, short for Allison, was rather comely, and above normal intelligence, or whatever disappointment was considered normal for Arizona State University.

That’s why I’m laying here in the dark, the day before I leave for Texas, thinking about her unrivaled wit, grasp of Greek Literature, tight little tummy, and open mind when it comes to just about anything.

It’s times like this that make you wonder why you made certain decisions in your life, like leaving a quiet wholesome girl to rummage after the over-enticed girls that adorned this Air Force Base, quitting a job that paid almost twice what the Air Force pays, and leaving a world with less than one hundred percent humidity. What was I thinking?

Anyhow, with this small bit of good luck in the alignment of the stars, maybe there is a chance I could fix one of those mistakes; some semblance of my past life could be waiting for me in Fort Worth.

All I have to do is call. But what do you say to someone so perfect as this, that you said you’d call almost four months ago, but somehow neglected to?

I’ll let you know how it turns out.

ohlookasquirrel

I actually liked this a lot. I think you should run with it, develop it a bit more, though I like the ending. Stick some more detail in the middle, perhaps.

The only thing that struck me as odd was the use of the word "tummy" - I'm not sure why, but it seemed to stick out.

Wyndstar

Being locked inside my own mind, I always enjoy getting inside the minds of others. This is clean and sharp, easy to get into without getting lost. The point of view is provocative without getting bogged down in complication. I'd like to see more of this, and a continuation to the narrator's experiences along this same train of thought (relationships in life, with life).

evadri

It's very easy to read. You have a good ear for phrasing. Philosophising can often get bogged down, but yours here is sharp and fresh and concise. I got the point quickly and could see the point of view. I really enjoyed it actually, and it's great to see this perspective (being female). I like how the 'thoughts' are framed by the present situation. I would definately keep it and work on it if I were you.

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NoWorries

Thanks for reading and commenting everyone! I've got a lot going on with work and school but I'm hoping to take some of your suggestions and tweak it a bit.

Odd in a bad way, or odd in a good way? I agree, it definitely sticks out, I read this a year after I wrote it, and that word jumped straight out at me, but I kind of liked it...it gave me something to dwell on in the end.