teflon

[an:5f2d3d5a9a] this is another flash start that I forgot about and never developed. Skeeter is a lone sniper turned loose in a desert.[/an:5f2d3d5a9a]

"I don't need a car for this kind of work," Skeeter parried curtly."Have you thought of how I'm gonna be changing license plates?"
"Oh, them. I see , you'd need to do that. Maybe at night?"
"Sure, and I'll ask McMood and his buddies to close their eyes for five minutes."

The early afternoon heat already shimmered on horizon. Sleep started to remind Skeeter of signing off.

"Listen, man, I'm signing off, as in turning off my rigs. Going to get a nap for several hours. From what I can tell you is that 4555 and 4566 had no sign of the T3 - related traffic. Both nights."
"Can you tell me anything on him?"
"What are you, media? Sometimes you make me wonder."
"OK, OK. Signing off. Shall ring you at the usual."
"Dozen-dozen"
"Yes. Bye"

He crawled back into the cave, awkwardly backwards, as usual. Pausing to stare at a distant blank spot, hoping to notice nothing else moving.
Can't sigh in relief yet. Staying under 3 minutes of C-Link time and staying in his Bitunia hole is still not enough. Maybe 10 more minutes before positioning himself feet towards the exit, headphones on and the muzak.

Mancini was great. Moon River was calming. But something small stirred and gnawed. Moon River. No questioning self, no self-doubting.
Moon River means the Upper West Side to him. The Big City. Bingo. Bullseye. The bullseye he did not do, the T2, and that cost him over 11 days of stupid waiting. The big city, not too far from him, at his 2 o'clock. It had the T3 for sure. Now, there, not the rides down on the road.

Communication gear checklist in his head dictated making sure it would not make any noise for next 6 hours. C-Link, trunk phone, cell phone and the side band were off, the K-u was in the Stash 7, with the r2d2s and the pencils.


The big sleep came over him. The dream was mostly Delibe and Debussy. Delibe sparked vivid scenes of vestals dressed in crisp-white cotton summer dresses. The women stood on some cliff, maybe somewhere in Capri or Sorrento. They sang long, drawn out syllables that did not to form any words. They only formed unattainable dreams for music fans, well-dressed men coughing in fancy opera houses lined with felt. Where did he appear in this movie?


Debussy splashed the screen with surf and stubborn waves, as seen from a rocky cliff, itself dangerously windswept. Lone scrawny pine grew incredibly well on a near-vertical slope. The pine branches were held picturesque loads of snow. Biting cold sparkled off that snow. Like a fir tree in a living room. And how did he happen to be here? The lone pine extended its saving catch to anyone falling off the cliff. Something to grab onto.

NightWing

What's a T2 or T3? Who's the sniper talking to? You were probably right in not taking this any further :p

__________________
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

teflon

T2 and T3 are targeted individuals.

Now I think this needs treatment. It needs an intro, a bit more down to earth, but in the same style.

NightWing

I'm a fan of military fiction, so I'll give you my 2 cents worth here.

The lone sniper thing has been done to death. That said, it doesn't mean you can't make this into something fresh. I've read Muki Betser's "Secret Solder", and gained a small insight into the IDF, and how they operate. This piece needs character and volume.
You have to assume the reader is not well versed in military ops and so you must explain the technicalities as you go, or just leave them out and use language that is easily understood.
The single best book on the life of a Special Operations Forces sniper that I've read is Delta Force, by Eric L. Haney. Read it. Seriously. He retells the story of how he and his spotter stayed in an OP for like three days. It was in Beirut, I think.
Write more, re-do this and write an intro if you want. Just make sure you grab the readers attention in the first paragraph.

__________________
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

teflon

Thank you.

Have you read books by John Plaster? These are non-fiction, more like manuals. What do you think?

NightWing

Hmm, I haven't read any of his work. But if you are writing this as fiction, then it has to have some style and manuals don't have any of that

__________________
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.