WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Hello Unregistered,
It looks you have never posted to our site before! Why not make your first post today by saying hello to our community in our Introduce Yourself forum. Why not start with your first post today and become an active part of our growing community of writers!
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writing Forums > Creativity > File 13
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

File 13 Got something you were going to throw away, something that just didn't fit or work out the way you planned? Share it here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-20-2004, 08:56 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 7
CLEVER
Too lazy to finish.

Looks bring as hell, And the last part came from ghetto memoirs. Only a joke.

"Why do you wear like that," I ask my friend at school. He was wearing black jeans and a hoodie that covers most of his forehead. He didn't answer, instead he game me his "normal" look. His eyes stare blankly into what should be my face. His lips look slumped down, and his whole face looks like a zombie. He slowlylifted his sleeves up,and strated to walk away. Right away I noticed what he was trying to show me. He had two long gashes on his arm. His name was written in blood which hasn't coagulated yet. His arm was dripping from blood and He seems to take it lightly. "Hey..wait..," I called but I had already run out of words. What I total disaster I thought.
His name was Josh wang. An asain student that had recently been through rough times. His parents died on while on a vaction trip to florida to see their relatives, and josh has to stay a babysit his 3 brothers. And they started throwing microwave sized icecubes from the 11 floor.
__________________
Signatures are totally uncool
CLEVER is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-21-2004, 12:02 AM   #2
Writing Machine
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,581
demonic_harmonic
I think the main issue with this is that so far, it's just a pretty cliche story of a kid who cuts. Right now it's not all that attention grabbing, and the part about the ice cubes just threw me off. I think you would need to lengthen the begining more before getting into his past. It doesn't seem very dramatic.
demonic_harmonic is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:24 PM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password




Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers