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A Letter to *
Your angry eyes and silence cut so deep. You stood frozen and stared right through me. I couldn't think of what to say, how to bring you back from the place that you retreat to- inside yourself.
The blankness in your face stopped my heart as I struggled to hold myself together. You ignored the questions of the people that surround us.
You stare at me.
I see the accusations, the hurt, the fear, the total lack of hope.
Your "supportgroup" becomes impatient and rushes you along, but you refused to move. You are so stubborn.
You are just as you came to me, and I am crushed. I want you to rage, to cry, to scream, to throw things-- anything but this.
It took so long for me to break you down. So many sixteen hour days full of pleading, praying, cursing, begging, yelling, joking...Anything I could think of. I tried everything I'd learned and then began to make it up. You became my puzzle and I was determined to put you back together.
I've never been so happy to see somebody cry. I can't remember what it was that broke you-- simple persistence or was it just the time? But we were at the park. I cried with you and held you and we kicked my beat-up car. There was so much pain beneath that shell you were so attached to--I shared it with you and we raged.
Everything came pouring out; why you felt you had to hide. I was shocked and horror pierced my heart but I held you and you let go. Way too much for a twelve year old to know. My heart bled and I cursed society.
It wasn't easy after that but you began to shine. Everytime I saw you smile my heart flipped over. The first time I heard you laugh I almost died. Even your tantrums were a pleasure compared to that unbreakable silence and composure.
We danced in the hallway for that first A in English and we stuggled through geometry. We listened to my Led Zeppelin and your Tupac and Biggy Smalls. You now always had something to say, as though you were making up for lost time. You were funny, so clever and witty, you were sweet, you had so much personality. You suddenly had hopes and dreams and we set about making them reality. You even made me smile when I came in feeling down.
We worked so hard and I'm so proud of what you've done. Please don't think I've let you down. You have a long way yet to go and time still to be a kid. I hope you know this is not your fault. Don't let it set you back.
I'm so sorry I can't be there to see your poems finished. I'm so sorry I won't be there to hold you when you have that dream again. I'm sorry you'll never read this because I can't know where you are.
I hope you always remember how much I love you and just how special you really are. If I taught you anything, I hope I taught you to be strong. You don't really need me, you can do this on your own.
Please stop looking at me like that, everytime I close my eyes. Don't go back into that shell of yours. Don't break my heart and make all our efforts be in vain. I know that you weren't ready, that it took you by suprise. I also know that you can make it, you can move on.
At last you move and put your little face up close to mine. "I love you like Led Zeppelin." It was a whisper and while I laughed, I no longer cared who saw me cry.
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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss
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) For real, though...your writing is impressive. I look some more later and take more time with it.
