A_MacLaren

demonic_harmonic

this could seriously become a either a very long 'short story', or a full blown novel. i got the impression of something...well of course...nocturnal...and not human...but definitly NOT vampires... something more gentle. and humble. and sad. not driven by power and blood lust. maybe some creature that was lost to belief...i dunno. it just seemed lost, hopeless, and a little obsessive. but yet beautiful...


hmm...not sure what to tell you. definitly pull this one out of File 13 and think more on it...

A_MacLaren

I wrote this very late at night. It's when I write the best stuff, but I can't sustain style like this for too long. I'm glad you liked it, but I think it's dead.
There's a number of interesting elements I was playing with here.

1) Stockholm syndrome. It's just intruiges me. This boy is a prisoner of the woman, and he doesn't mind. He likes it. It's just cool.

2) Obsessive-compulsive disorders. The woman can't stop washing her hands. I find that kind of anal-retentiveness interesting, especially because we all do it.

3) The apartment is dirty too. The woman is so diosgusted with the 'flith' of the outside world, but she lives in squalor. Weird, no?

4) More than the stockholm-syndrome thing, there's an unhealthy sexual element here. It feels like incest, even though there's no established relationship between the two biologically. The woman's obession feels like motherhood taken too far, while she's cultivated this young man (presumably from birth) to be this indulged, spoiled child who ends up taking her for granted.

Weird. Maybe I could take this out of File 13 and run with it, because there's a lot of stuff here I never got to play with. But then again, who wants to revive a dead story?

Talia_Brie

I don't think stories ever die, just authors.

Have you seen Bad Boy Bubby? I somehow think you have. This reminded me of that. The boy's perception of the outside world is entirely what is being offered by the woman.

This was interesting, and well written if a little dense for my tastes. That was stylistic, and probably required I think, but the pace is nonetheless staid.

Stockholm Syndrome is an interesting concept to play with, but I don't think that's exactly what is happening here. Stockholm Syndrome (if I remember correctly) is about a hostage gaining sympathy for their captor. The boy here doesn't appear to know he's a captive, just that he hasn't seen the sun, and the outside world is a dirty place from which the woman is protecting him. There may be more to the story I'm not seeing, however, which would clarify this.

I think any idea that intrigues you is worth having in your back pocket. It might end up never going anywhere, but I would be reluctant to discard this one.[/i]

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A_MacLaren

I don't even know what Bad Boy Bubby is. A film, I guess.
I'm not sure about the definition of stockholm syndrome, I just meant that the captor and the captive appear to have a relationship that's more than fear.

Talia_Brie

Bad Boy Bubby is an Australian film about a guy who has spent his entire life living in a 2 room flat with his mother. His entire perception of the outside world is what has been offered by him mother to keep him from leaving the room.

It's pretty intense. There's incest, physical abuse. Bubby has no ability to differentiate between right and wrong, so he eventually starts killing people by wrapping them in cling wrap.

I understand what you're saying about the relationship between the woman and the boy in your story, and the touch of Stockholm Syndrome. Go to your local video store and watch Bad Boy Bubby. It just might give you the inspiration that brings this story to life again.

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demonic_harmonic

ah well. i was hoping you could continue with this. if you cant thats alright, though it was incredibly interesting.

A_MacLaren

Uh...I'm not sure I want to see that film. I like writing about disturbing stuff, not watching it. Mm...hypocritical...

wudstok77

I think you should continue with the story, the characters seemed to come alive and fill me with questions? Why is he confined to the bed or chair, does he have a disability? Why has he not seen the sun even in a room with grimy glass, how does he know about the sun? Does he have radio or tv to let him know about the outside world? Is he young or older? Is this his mother or caretaker? Let's have more, more, more!!!

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The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest of intentions.

Shadeslayer

Wow... I'm impressed. This is certainly a ... a ... well written one, though I advise the chapter to be longer. Besides that, I found your writing style unique and brilliant in its own way. Your use of words were done wall and I enjoyed it. It could use a little more going over, but lets just say I found pleasure in reading this. Nice start.

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Your eyes are the gate to your hidden soul....
--Stepdad saying

Tis someone knocking upon my chamber door
--Edgar Allan Poe

Brian Jacques Rocks big time!

A_MacLaren

You know, I'm beginning to feel pressured. I didn't even think it was that good. I'm glad you guys like it, though.
Maybe I'll resurrect it in a couple of weeks. After my exams.

demonic_harmonic

we are definitly peer writer pressuring you to writing more of this. *pokes pencil and paper at you* do it. you know you want it. all the cool kids these days are writing...