Creative_Insanity

lol, I was just looking through some of my old stuff and I ran across this. . . I never continued the story.

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Adria sat nestled in the lofty arms of the leafy old tree. As far as spectacular views went, Adria had never seen a better one, and that was a great testimony to its beauty, for she had climbed up a great many trees in the eleven years of her lifetime.

Since the day she had first discovered her special tree, there were few days that Adria did not visit it, and each time, the panorama never failed to steal her breath away. The tree was located at the top of a hill, and from there she had a picture-perfect view of Kaali village, framed by lush, green hills on every side.

Whenever Adria felt sad, angry, or helpless, she would retreat to her haven in the clouds where no one could find her. In the past, it had always made her feel large and important to watch the ant-like people of her village scurry about their business in the streets, oblivious of her birdlike surveillance.

But not today. Today, she felt very small and helpless, because she knew that from the hive of scuttling little ants that was Kaali village, one was missing. For as long as she could remember, that one insignificant little dot in the landscape had been the foundation of her entire existence, and now that it was gone, she felt as though her whole life had collapsed around her.

Tears escaped her eyes, washing dirt from her smudged face in long streaks. The crisp breeze stung her damp cheeks, plastering strands of her long dark hair against her sticky face. She wiped them away angrily with her fist.

Don’t cry, little bird! Her father’s reproachful words crept unbidden into her mind. He had always rebuked her when she cried.

But Father isn’t here, Adria thought bitterly, and proceeded to weep without restraint.

--

It's obvious that it was her Father that died, right? I wasn't quite sure. . . I tried to make it apparent. . .

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“No.” We walked a bit in silence and then the Fool said quietly, “Fitz, home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see it what is not there anymore.”

Vixen

A familiar, yet promising start. Is this here because you never knew how to finish it, or didn't knoiw where it was going? Only one line seemed odd, I was not sure that preeceeded had the right tone in a sentance about weeping.

Creative_Insanity

I didn't really know where it was going. It was just one of those things where you feel like writing something, so you do, with no real intention of it going anywhere.

Do you think this is better?

"But father isn't here, Adria thiought bitterly.
She wept without restraint."

Oh, and I was thinking about changing this: "Don’t cry, little bird! Her father’s reproachful words crept unbidden into her mind. He had always rebuked her when she cried."

to this: "Don't cry, little bird; I'm here! Her father's reproachful words crept unbidden into her mind."

I think it connects it more smoothly to the next paragraph, where she says "But father isn't here".

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“No.” We walked a bit in silence and then the Fool said quietly, “Fitz, home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see it what is not there anymore.”

Vixen

I like those changes, they do improve the flow. Maybe some day you'll just feel like writing again, and out will roll the rest of this, right?

DawnMorningStar

I liked this. It had a smooth flow, and your use of description was great. I could see the scene clearly. I also like how you revealed Adria's emotions and some of her feelings toward her father. I, for one, would like to read more.

Creative_Insanity

Thanks! ^_^ I'm glad to hear it. Maybe I will end up writing more.

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“No.” We walked a bit in silence and then the Fool said quietly, “Fitz, home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see it what is not there anymore.”

WiCkEd

That was good stuff.

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Due Sacrifice

Creative_Insanity

Thank you.

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“No.” We walked a bit in silence and then the Fool said quietly, “Fitz, home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see it what is not there anymore.”