A_MacLaren

Vixen

Cool, well crafted, but I'm thown off a little by your paragraph breaks. It seems as though each sentance is a paragraph, and though single sentance paragraphs can be good to draw attention to that single sentance, it doesn't work if overused. These beaks are particularly disruptive during the death scene, I do not know if you planned such breaks,....

This seems like a good place to start things. The first scene, then the father's death, took on a dreamlike quality next to the widow's entrance. This work raises a lot of questions, the big one is what is going to happen next? I'm curious as to where you meant for this to go..

A_MacLaren

I just wrote it on the spur of the moment. After the first two scenes, which I really liked, I didn't think the widow scene and anything else I could write would match up and keep up the tone. I didn't even really have a plot.