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what we see outside the windows
What we see outside the windows
By: Luke
I see monsters in the headlights. They wander nameless through the night. Like alone lost children, confused. And they are all crying. Elaborate tears composed of you and i. But it’s okay because we hide behind the safety of the windshield. We thrust our hands into each others heart, but when we pull away all we see are blood stains. And why are they so hard to wash away?
The rain is becoming unsettling. It makes me afraid the windshield isn't enough. Safety like band-aids on horrible cuts. I looked at the rain outside the window and tried to speak but only choked. And you turned away. I try to speak again but it sounds like I have a razor blade between my lips. I’m cutting myself on every word I let slip. If I could only ask you to kiss the blood away, but vanity isnt your taste.
So we sit and think. We ponder our lives. What is the point of the us, the together. I know the answer. It’s to save ourselves from disaster. You and I are the ones who want to understand what its like to feel yourself inside someone else. The security of each other is better than the discomfort of putting faith in a piece of glass and expecting it to be forever.
But behind the windshield we know what it’s like to feel. And the anticipation that it could be over any second makes it so real. To watch our hands and lips pretend they are older than they are. To speak and breathe in heavy heaves. We can say love so many ways. What does it mean that I make your eyes wide if I cant even speak without causing you grief?
This question makes me pause. And I sit and think some more. The radio plays a song that tears us both apart. You ask me whats the matter. And I try to find words. I hope you confide in me. But sometimes the only confidence I feel is that I know I wont let this knife slip too deep into my throat. I still have to use it to write you more notes. Letters scribed to to be the glue that I want to hold together me and you. But for all I know the letters are fire and they burn your desire to be with me.
Finally I say, could we keep driving please? Past this rain of disease. Broken smiles divorce the face in tears. I don’t want to do that to you anymore. Phrases like “windshields” and “band-aids” are just the caught up ramblings, and the monsters are just dead emotions walking anyway. I hurt and feel confused, and you grieve and we are both used to provoke sadness for some unknown cause. So fuck it really. You make me smile like a child. A creature without the need to climb higher by using others for selfish desires.
If it’s raining outside, then let it wash off our skin. We can be use our hands to keep our hearts from getting wet. And the rain could help prevent the blood from sticking. This is what I want. All I think about is you. I have a feeling we could be happy if I made you smile. And just listen to the way you laugh. It makes me want to cry. Because that’s just the way feelings are I guess. They mean everything, even if they are sometimes fleeting. Sadness is overrated though. And I think we’ll do just fine. Lets hold hands from now to when we say goodbye. And I wont forget you, and we’ll have memories that wont die, even if we do. Because these words cant be erased away so easily. Time only makes things stronger. And I promise I’ll be strong for you as long as you promise me too.
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i didnt know where i would post this so i just put it here. if you are curious as to what it's about ask.
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Luke
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