Triumvirate

Here's something I wrote about 2 years ago that just never got to a point where I liked. I always felt it was completely sub-par as far as what I was capable of. I've thought of picking it back up and re-writing the beginning but just haven't done so yet. I don't know, maybe I still will eventually.

For a quick background as to some terms used, Galax is the name of the planet that this takes place on and the Spacing Guild and Federated Boeing are two companies that transport and build starships. Anyway here it is:

--------BEGIN---------
The 20 year old man smiled slightly. It was aobut to begin, right here, right now. For years he'd disguised himself, hidden his identity to stay alive, but now was the time to reclaim the title he deserved. It would take some time, and patience, but step by glorious step he would rally people to him. Calling it a coup'd'etat of Galax was disgraceful, it implied him having a violent, rebellious nature. No, this...this was no coup'd'etat, this was a holy war to reclaim waht belonged to him. He passed the Sapcing Guild and Federated Boeing ships that he should have been doing maintenance checks on. Then, walking toward the main computer control room he pushed on the door. It didn't open, not unexpectedly. He took out a slender looking pole, then, with a flip of his wrist rounded blades came out on either side. He slammed the weapon into the keypad, and, with a few beeps and a final whirring sound the door slid open. He pulled off a necklace he wore, took the small optical chip that hung from it then slid it into the terminal. He pressed a few buttons arming the system. This was it, for the Kossacks family honor. He would restore that name to its rightful place in the galaxy. As he walked out ships went up in brilliant balls of fire, and he walked, filled with purpose, toward the exit. His green eyes and blond hair shimmered with the flames behind him.

"It begins," he said coolly.
-------END----------


Anyway, that was the introduction to it, but as mentioned it just didn't come together for me right.

__________________
TS

Vixen

I'm curios, what was the rest of this, what happens next? It seems interesting enough to spark, I don't know, something, and if you could be more specific about what didn't work, maybe some of the poeple here would be able to help...