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| File 13 Got something you were going to throw away, something that just didn't fit or work out the way you planned? Share it here. |
02-10-2004, 03:16 PM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Montana
Posts: 211
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Poetry fragment
I just thought of this, walking down the street, on an autumn day. It is my favorite poetry "bit" that I've written, yet because it's from the past (about 11 years ago) I can't really tie the feeling into anything, so it stands as a lone marker to that day:
Quote:
The clouds in the sky are dismal and grey,
Shattered glass lies in the narrow street.
I fear that the cold winds will sweep me away
Along with the dead autumn leaves at my feet.
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-speculative
__________________
"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." - Ray Bradbury
Ellipses are my minions, they... do my bidding, mwahahahha!
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02-10-2004, 09:24 PM
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#2
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Writer
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 40
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What makes you say this is a poetry bit? It could very well be an entire poem. Remember, Emily Dickenson was a master at short poems. I don't see anything wrong with this. Not sure where the shattered glass comes in but it is nice.
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Opinion is nothing more than ones point of view.
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02-10-2004, 10:13 PM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Montana
Posts: 211
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Darkwing
What makes you say this is a poetry bit? It could very well be an entire poem. Remember, Emily Dickenson was a master at short poems. I don't see anything wrong with this. Not sure where the shattered glass comes in but it is nice.
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Only about 1/3 to 1/2 of the poetry I've written rhymes. This piece came to me as I was walking down the street. I was cold on what I call a "grey day" (I usually dream in color but my dreams of home are in grayscale) walking down the street, and these words came to me in a flash exactly as I wrote them above, no editing, as if I were hearing them not thinking them.
-speculative
__________________
"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." - Ray Bradbury
Ellipses are my minions, they... do my bidding, mwahahahha!
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02-11-2004, 12:52 AM
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#4
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Best Seller
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: New places
Gender: Private
Posts: 598
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Those are always the best, but I agree that it may as well stand on its own. Perhaps that fact that it's fragmentary can make it that much more meaningful. It is a lovely piece.
-Kitten
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Cadmus: Poor child, like a white swan warding its weak old father, why do you clasp those white arms about my neck?
Euripides; 'The Bacchae'
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02-25-2004, 03:25 PM
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#5
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Penguin-in-Chief
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Edinburgh
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,529
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Very good  |
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03-03-2004, 09:30 PM
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#6
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Scribe
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 79
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Why is it even in File 13? You've just described an indescribable feeling...This piece really gets to you. Great work!
__________________
Evil from within is but evil in the open that has been let out.
- Yann Martel (Life of Pi)
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12-07-2004, 07:18 PM
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#7
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 309
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I liked the read of that!
It's shortness is almost haiku except that it's measured differently!
Still everyone seems to be in agreement that this poem has a life of its own!
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