oskawizzkey

Anticipation and expectation at last has come to a head as I discover what will occur. Blood courses through my veins at a speed that is inconceivable. My equilibrium is off, I become light-headed with a certain and unmistakable anxiety. I am prepared but what frightens me is this dull and nagging pain that effects my right leg. Why did this happen? Did I push too hard? I am at a literal point of nausea. The meaning of the events to come cannot be described in these words that I write. It is a culmination of everything that I have dedicated to my own pursuit. And this pursuit was one that was never in the forefront of my mind. Because it never occurred to me just what this journey has allowed me to become. I am in my prime--yes, there is still a road before me--one of great distance. But I am ready; I was meant for this moment and it was meant for me. Is this yet another challenge of strength and will? Pain may overcome me--but I will fight through it with every fiber of my being. And the competition; how will I fare? I have confidence in not only my physical strength and technical abilities, but also my mental fortitude. Will I be racing against the clock or my performing peers of persistence? If it is the clock or the others, personal shame can be the only negative consequence. I must give myself entirely to the moment. And there will be more than moment, so I must search deep within myself each time, and find the necessary tools of toughness to aid in my success! But again, as I write, my conscious mind drifts back to my leg...it feels okay. But how will it feel tomorrow...the next day?

As the wearisome day rolls along in perpetual pain, I decide to change my way of thinking. Doing this actually causes a soothing remedy to my now insignificant injury. Insignificant you ask? Just moments ago I was whining about how this was going to be a huge hindrance to my success. Oh yes, that is what I thought, but my mind is stronger than that. I want this. I need this. I will devote what is needed in order to be triumphant in my endeavor. This experience--this moment means too much to me to worry about some small, seemingly inconsequential injury.

I will represent our cause - not only in our native region - but globally. Someday, what we do will be the standard. This has become so much more to me than becoming the best possible athlete I can be. My life, my perspective, have been so dramatically altered that I cannot even begin to remember how things used to be. Cultish? Brainwashed? On the absolute contrary my friends...for this life that I now lead is one of positive pride, lasting and sincere friends...and family.

What I accomplish in the brief haze of harrowing Hell, transcends into every facet of my life.

Because through these dreams, stems a reality so tangible it is as if I am practically living it already. The future may always be uncertain, but the visions that course through my conscious mind, are all but as true as the earth is round. For when I discover something sacred, I am compelled to grab on with such ferocity that I will die before I let go. As these words pour forth, so does my heart--but a dam surrounds it, restraining the flood. Do I allow this dam to be broken, or do I protect the helpless heart?

I allowed it.