lilacstarflower

Abe snorted and flicked his ears at the hornets, who buzzed around his head, as he trotted along the narrow dirt path that would lead to the estate. Every so often his pace would quicken and he would whine to gallop the rest of the way. Murray patted his faithful servant on the neck

"Almost there, old boy. Be patient, we shall both be rewarded with good company and full bellies soon enough"

His first thought was of his cousin, Mariah, and how pleased she would be to find him home earlier than he had promised. She had entrusted him with buying her the prettiest hairpin he could find; her allowance was pittance and finding a suitable ladies accessory with so little money had made him cringe at his fathers indiscretion. Mariah was his ward, his duties were to ensure she wanted for nothing. A monthly allowance would allow her to manage her own fortune when she came of age to inherit it. Instead, her guardian mocked her intelligence and gave her sense of value an imbalance.

Murray would not allow her hopes to be disappointed by being presented something rather plain and dull. Her looks deserved more than that. After a week of searching every Jewelers in the vicinity, Murray had stumbled upon Chalmer's Antiques - a little shop hidden away in a side street which had reputable acknowledgment in his brother's circles. It was there he had found the perfect match for Mariah. It was a blood red ruby that glistened from every angle. It would be striking amongst her thick black hair, she would look like a princess. Of course it cost considerably more than her measley allowence, but he had some money spare from the trip and put that towards it. The pleasure she would have from owning it would be more than the repayment he would ever want.

The woodland surrounding his home was a very welcome sight - the smoke and calamity of the London streets were far away and Murray did not relish the idea of returning to them in the near future. The air was cleaner here, yet just as hot, bringing to his senses the fragrance of freshly cut grass and flowers rather than horse dirt and sweat.

He closed his eyes and pictured home. As a boy, he thought it was a palace with its large latticed windows and golden creamy exterior

At which point I decided to leave it. Might go back to it at some point

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ohdear

Me thinks Mr Murray is rather keen on his cousin Mariah.
I rather like what you began.
I can feel the era it is set in.
I can feel the heart of Murray.
I rather imagine that he fancies he might marry her someday. (cousin or not)
I suspect that Maraih on the other hand will be indifferent to his devotion, treating him much like a beloved brother than a worthy suitor.
Of course, this may not be the case at all.
just my version of events.
I can already feel the joy he gets everytime he sees that ruby glistening in her hair and her being blind to his feelings.

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cheers Robyn
http://thecentreofinfinity.com

lilacstarflower

that's great to hear, thanks! The reason I decided to leave it was because I thought I wasn't conveying what I wanted - the intensity of his feelings. You are right about Murray loving his cousin and wanting to marry her. Made me think about working on it a little more this weekend, cheers!

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lilacstarflower

The narrow corridor was a poor insulation from the bellowing gentlemen who occupied the private billiard rooms of the Huntsman’s Tavern. Murray’s riding boots clinked and clumped in time with the rhythm of his heart as he made his way towards the farthest room. He was on a mission, he had been for the past fortnight, but tonight he was determined to head home.


He had spent too many sleepless nights concerning himself with his brother’s business in London. Time was precious and not to be squandered idly when there were so many other matters to be dealt with. While the moon was visible in the cloudless night skies, he would journey back to the country. He had made his promise and broken it, but it was not too late for that to be forgiven; by either his father or Mariah. His brother’s inertia would be his concern no more.



That was the very first draft opening to the story, but thought it would be better starting with the first post because this ^^ would be related back to the father when he arrived home

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PSFoster

In the first post you were talking about the donkey but mentioned Murray. Then you went on with "His first thought..." I had to read on to see whose perception this was...the donkey or Murray. This needs to be clearer.

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I'm too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed.