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Old 07-02-2008, 11:38 AM   #1
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This Just In -- a continuous novel

Chapter One

He woke up. The cold metallic air filled his nostrils and danced in his chest. He sighed deeply and his heart fluttered. The bars of his cell slid mechanically open. There stood the warden. He was a small man, as most wardens are, with a definite Napoleon complex. The first thing Marshall took notice of was his shoes; black Italian leather, square toe, and shined thoroughly. His khaki slacks barely touched his shoes, afraid they might scuff. Impeccably pressed, the pleats looked like they could cut right through you. The bronze pocket watch in his chocolate brown sports jacket stood out brilliantly against his stark white shirt. A small pair of glasses was intellectually perched on the bridge of his crooked nose. He wore a brooding expression of solemnity as he quietly fiddled with his watch. The warden never missed Sunday mass and was known for his punctuality.


“How are we this morning, Mr. Montgomery?” This was more of a statement than a question; a bothersome formality rather than a sincere inquiry. He flipped his watch in his hand as he talked. Marshall remained silent and shifted his gaze to the concrete floor.


“Very well, I’m late as it is. It seems your parole has come through. You’re free to go.” With this he turned to leave, walking briskly enough as to make his deadline but to not inspire commotion in the other prisoners. Marshall watched him as he left and wondered if he could do the same. And so he sat and sighed on his wooden bed until a pair of guards whisked him off to the front gate. And so he stood and sighed in the breezy autumn air until a guard shoved him into freedom. The gate closed behind him as Marshall stood, alone, in the world. A tuft of auburn leaves drifted past him as he took a breath for the first time in years. This was his redemption. This was Marshall Montgomery’s salvation.
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Old 07-02-2008, 03:15 PM   #2
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It's well written, but I still found myself not really concentrating on it. It waffles. That might just be my sleepiness though (yawns as writing this).
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Old 07-09-2008, 01:44 PM   #3
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Great start. Very descriptive. Not much I can comment on.
Can't wait to read more.
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