ZachinaHat

Here is my first story, I haven't touched it for a while and wanted some feedback before I do. Be brutal

Bullets zinged through the air, the screams of the wounded, the dying and the living rang out, the muted detonations of a thousand rifles firing and a hundred grenades exploding at once. Artillery shells screamed past. Chaos reigned. I saw one of my friends fall, a massive steel splinter protruding from his midsection. I vomited the contents of my stomach onto the front of my fatigues. The sergeant kept yelling at me, his voice drowned out by the sounds of the battlefield.

The ground moved beneath me; a tremendous explosion shattered my reverie. It was as if I was coming out of a dream. The grim and nervous faces of my squad mates revealed themselves to me, the cramped, slightly odious interior of the helicopter returned, sharper and clearer than a second ago. Reyes looked at me curiously.
“You okay, Helmstaad?” I shook my head like I was trying to rid myself of the cobwebs in my mind.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Oh good, ’cause you were looking a bit out of it; kinda like Damon here,” Corporal Damon flipped him the bird.
“Hey, don’t be like that to us, Dame, ’cause you never know, bullets have been known to wander.” Reyes said with upraised eyebrows. I laughed.
“It’s happened before,” Said a guy down the line. Reyes rubbed his hands together in mock anticipation.
“Promotion here I come.” He said. Damon was just about to start throwing punches when the sarge stopped us.
“Stop dicking around up there!” Shouted Sergeant Janny. As if in agreement, an RPG rocket flashed across the sky, it impacted with an over-hanging building; sending shards of glass, concrete and riveted steel raining down on us; the pilot took evasive action. We instinctively ducked. My rifle clattered away as I was thrown to the floor. I clawed after the weapon as piece of concrete shrapnel zinged past the door. Reyes helped me up.
“Thanks”
“Alright, the objectives are being patched to Ham in a minute; so as soon as Oslo here-” said Janny, pointing at me. “-has gotten a hold of himself, we can be on our way.” The boys laughed good-naturedly, at my expense of course. The sarge laughed along with them then clapped Reyes on the back. Reyes nearly winced, nearly.
“Get your scary faces on boys!” The sound of a dozen guns being cocked was barely distinguishable over the sounds of combat above and below us.

Some Crows were looking at us, their eyes boring into our bodies, like the hungry gaze of a shark or a great cat. The Crows were possibly the biggest threat to a G.I and they sure as hell looked it. All sinew and muscle, with a sleek, scaly hide covering their emaciated ape-like bodies and an eel-like neck they were frigging gruesome. Their claws scared me the most; they had thick, forever flexing digits with upraised bone structures, like natural knuckledusters, yet somehow they had the ability to fire weapons and they were cunning; they boggled the mind with their-

Suddenly one charged us. The monstrosity slammed into the sergeant at full speed, swinging a thick muscular arm into him. The sergeant flew backwards, landing on the ground with a thump and explosion of breath. Some of the men tried to help the sarge but the Crows opened fire on our position. The sarge tried to resist. He pulled out his Beretta; only to have the Crow swipe the pistol and his forearm away. Contemplating a fresh meal the monster opened his maw wide; its sinuous, serpentine head was full of ivory-like teeth. In desperation I fired my gun at the creature. The bullets bounced of the creature’s heavy back armour. The Crow merely stared at me through evil, squinting eyes, turned its head back to the sergeant; and lunged. My bowels turned to water. The sarge never stopped screaming as he was devoured. We had little choice but to keep fighting. The creatures came up close for more. But some crazy, dumb shit turned and ran. Crows loved it when we separated. The bulk of them gave chase, leaving the one eating our sarge alone. However from the sound of it some of the enemy were on the way, we had to escape and regroup.
“Shoot the motherfucker, boys!” screamed a hysterical Damon. That was the last thing he said before a baseball sized piece of masonry corked him on the head and he dropped, unconscious.

__________________
Coooookie!Woooooookie!Noooookie!
-So Many Great ookie Words-Coincidence, I Think Not!

TevenB

I must say, I liked this. I dont see many wartime stories on here. I really like your description of these Crows as well. Keep up the great work!

ZachinaHat

Thanks

I chose the name Crows because crows are known for following huge casaulties on the battlefield. plus the collective noun for crows is a murder. which adds to their scariness

__________________
Coooookie!Woooooookie!Noooookie!
-So Many Great ookie Words-Coincidence, I Think Not!