scottm72

My day began with a letter. The letter. The fact it was the first I had received all week neither here nor there. What mattered was yet to come. The icing on the cake if you will.

The letter was addressed to Simon Johnson of room number 057 at the Iron Horse hotel. It had arrived at the right destination, but I can assure you there was no Johnson to collect. Don't get me wrong. I'm not one for opening strangers' mail, but on that specific morning i did. I couldn't tell you why; because there is no why. There was only a when. And that when was at exactly twenty to eight on the morning of Saturday the 11th of July, 2007.

I can remember the feel of its contents and the scent of the paper as I released it to the world. It could have been the first letter I had ever opened, but it wasn't. Not by a long shot, but it felt that way to me.

The contents of the envelope dropped to my hand like a feather carrying a lead weight.

The paper appeared empty except for the blood red words of 'I Love You' in the centre of the page. It was accompanied by a mystery. A mystery in the form of an old steel key that was cold to the touch. It was at that second I found the meaning of life.

moderan

Hi Scott...

There are a number of grammatical errors here, some words missing...if I were you I'd cut most of the first paragraph. The piece would be more effective if you simply said "My day began with a letter. The letter."
You're creating a sense of anticipation successfully...I wonder if the exact time is important to the story as it develops-or are you creating character quirks? The second paragraph is confusing. I'm not entirely certain why all the details are there as you have them but I'd guess that comes later. After "Don't get me wrong..." you might insert a dash rather than a period. After "I couldn't tell you why..." a comma would serve your purpose better than the semicolon you have. Perhaps you could describe the "scent of the paper" as it seems to have some importance-is it old, musty? New, crisp? Smelling faintly of bleach or woodpulp?
All that said, I am intrigued by the possibilities that hang in the air and want to continue as a reader.

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There are not many persons who know what wonders are opened to them in the stories and visions of their youth; for when as children we learn and dream, we think but half-formed thoughts, and when as men we try to remember, we are dulled and prosaic with the poison of life.-H.P. Lovecraft

Candrah

I'm curious about where this is going. Its a good intro. I agree with what moderan said about the grammar etc. What I am not so sure about is the last sentence. Which second do you mean? The second he opened the letter, the second the key touched his hand?

Anyway, just my thoughts. Its good.

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I leave feedback as a reader - feel free to take anything I say with a bucketful of salt.