Dragon Riders - Page 2 - WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers

RSD · 06-10-2008, 02:16 AM

Great... another Eragon. Just don't make them talk to each other in their minds.

assassin · 06-10-2008, 06:25 AM

I've never read Eragon, but I have seen the movie (as well as an urge to destroy every book I see). But I agree with Milo that "dragons and humans going on missions and working as a team"sounds awfully Pernish. While there's nothing wrong with dragons going off on missions with human companions, do keep in mind that people will shove 'You stole from McCaffrey!' if you're not careful how your arrange your heirarchy.
And do change the title. It's fine for now, but you'll need to think of something better.

I have to say that I found the changing of the dragons into people a bit disturbing, it makes me wonder why they have riders.

MiloDaePesdan · 06-10-2008, 10:25 AM

Dragons changing into people...there was that movie in the 90s called Dragonheart or something.

Someone, I think it was Croz--edit: maybe Cefor--also wrote a story about dragons with humanoid forms wanting revenge on humans and put a sample up here last year.

Milo

lin · 06-10-2008, 11:25 AM

Ever thought about doing this with space dolphins or giant squids or some beast of your own invention?

MiloDaePesdan · 06-10-2008, 11:37 AM

Uh, lin? Space dolphins have been done in sci-fi by David Brin.

Milo

mi is happy · 06-10-2008, 11:57 AM

And Hitchhiker Guide.

Candrah · 06-10-2008, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MiloDaePesdan

Someone, I think it was Croz, also wrote a story about dragons with humanoid forms wanting revenge on humans and put a sample up here last year.

Milo

I like that idea - Dragons for Justice...

Inara · 06-10-2008, 10:05 PM

Title: I'm not very good with titles overall, so all of mine are in the works. I just kind of choose genaric ones at the beginning unless I can come up with a better one half way through or something.

Adjectives: I realize there's a lot of repetition, but when I'm writing, I never have a thesaurus on me, so I can't look up words that are similar.

Dragons into people: I've always seen dragons as being able to transform into humans. This story is more genaric in ideas than my normally extremely twisted view of dragons. By twisted I just mean with my twists like the religion called Winia and having their own planet and stuff.

"Plagarism": [just for lack of a better term at the moment] I really draw little inspiration from other books and stuff. I've not even read most of them. I never read Eragon, Dragonheart, Riders of Pern, ect. Aside from Eragon, I've not even heard of them.

Kaida/Nimeesha: I realize that there isn't much to clarify why Nimeesha's pissed at Kaida for winning the training race. It's a rivalry that goes way back in their past. I realize I should clarify that, but it is basically through Kaida's eyes, so that's why I don't give much explination, though I will in my future drafts.

Also keep in mind this is only my very first draft. Also, mind that I'm still developing my ideas as I go. If my ideas meet in line with others, it is completely unknowing and unintended.

As for the heirarchy of Riders:

Quote:

Originally Posted by my Dragon Rider, Rider Ranks Wikispace

Normal Rank: This is the lowest rank of Riders and basically apprentices. They normally do stuff like run messages and rarely ever leave the borders of their native country unless they're accompanied by a more experienced Rider. They normally range in age from 7-12 unless they enter the service quite late.

Bronze Rank: These are slightly more experinced Riders and sometimes leave the country borders but not much. They're still in training but are less dependant on higher ranked Riders. They normally range in age from 12-14.

Silver Rank: These Riders are the general bulk and make up, on average, about 40% of the force of any given contry. They generally run messages outside of the country and help supervise projects within the native contry's borders. Sometimes, they help supervise projects outside of the contry but only if that country requests help. They generally go from 15 and up.

Gold Rank: These Riders are much more experienced than Silver Rank. They go on more dangerous missions and often spend more time outside of their contry than inside. They're usually escorts for the leaders of their nations and such. They're generally 17 and up, though very talented Riders have attained this rank younger.

Elite Rank: These Riders are few and far between. There are generally less than a hundred in any given nation. They go on the most dangerous missions and are only really ever inside their own country's borders when recieving missions or reporting back from a mission. They generally go from 20 and up, though every now and then a younger Rider can attain this rank earlier, but they must be extremely skilled at riding.

I realize these are just basic descriptions, but, again, these ideas are still evolving as I write.

I'm not trying being snippy about any of this; I'm merely stating the reasons things why the way they are.

But, still, thank you for the constructive criticism. Of course, this proves I'm being a bit defensive as [I think] a lot of writers are, but I still do appreciate it. I'll do my best to take these things into consideration while I'm editting and writing more.

I'm still a beginning writer and only sixteen, so I'm still exploring my style and ideas and imagination. I've been writing since I was in 5th grade, but just recently have I stepped up and really focusing on stuff.

So, as I post more, any criticism is appreciated.

I'm not posting more at the moment as I've been working on this post for a while and I need to head to bed soon as it's getting a bit late where I am.

MiloDaePesdan · 06-10-2008, 10:14 PM

Whatever you do, do not use the thesaurus to replace words! They must come naturally into your writing. And it's not a matter of plagiarism but of ideas and stories that readers you'll be selling your books to have already come across, and how it sets you apart from the rest.

Milo

Quote:

I agree with Milo although I'll use a thesaurus occasionally if I"m really frustrated and groping for a word.

Well yea, there is that.

Foxee · 06-10-2008, 10:23 PM

I agree with Milo although I'll use a thesaurus occasionally if I"m really frustrated and groping for a word.

Inara, the point is that your current material is very similar to some existing well-known writing. It doesn't mean that you got your ideas from somewhere else but rather that you are going with your first idea....which was also someone else's first idea, and they already published it.

Even the idea of the colors is used in Dradonriders of Pern.

What I'd encourage you to do is continue to develop your ideas...get past these first ideas, keep pushing on to find something new and different. Dragons have enjoyed great popularity so you're going up against a body of existing writing here.

lin · 06-10-2008, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Space dolphins have been done in sci-fi by David Brin.

Yeah but they haven't been done so much they're a genre by themselves and even high school kids are selling them.

MiloDaePesdan · 06-10-2008, 10:41 PM

A point. But I kind of liked that Brin's take on them were sort of, I don't know, exclusive and unique of its kind--unlike stories revolving around ponies and horses. Now there's a saturated niche.

That's it! I should write a story about dolphins versus whales!

Milo

lin · 06-11-2008, 02:34 AM

Why are dolphins never evil?

Dolphins that escaped from a secret naval training program in which they were trained to kill swimmers and destroy ships, learning reinforced by drugs to which they now are addicted, reluctantly befriend a rotten, sociopathic human who got thrown off a cruise ship because he was such a mean asshole.

They team up weave a web of destruction, including supertankers, that brings the Western world to its knees...supplied with dope by their adopted ringleader who rides them like a jockey. He also helps them kill and eat their favorite prey...sea gulls.

Finally they are trapped by the FBI and the kid is charged for transporting gulls for immoral porpoises.

Foxee · 06-11-2008, 08:25 AM

*steals lin's idea*

immoral porpoises...heh.

Inara · 06-11-2008, 07:32 PM

I'm taking a break off my own stories for a bit because my muse is a little dead for writing my own. I'm helping a friend with hers. One of them is on here, but this rewrite's better. It's called Tala Aleron, so if you see it on here, it's hers, not mine. She stopped coming here because she's just too shy to share her work. Of course, I asked her permission to post any of the stories I'm helping her rewrite and I am going to tell when it is one of hers.