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Old 06-03-2008, 11:39 PM   #1
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Revenge against the stepmothers. 871 words. (revenge and a tinge of humour I think)

"The teachers really fancy themselves as machine guns” I muttered to myself as I started on another problem. “That teacher talked about all the formulas for solving the sums. And he gave me so much homework that I had to do some of it at break time so that I did not have to rush my work at home. So I was really cranky at the time.
It was when I started on a difficult question when that woman sat across my table. She stank of perfume. It smelt like she owned a flower shop. I sneezed five times non-stop. I moved away from her a little and looked at her. Her face was powdered whiter then the snow; her lips looked as though she sucked blood. It was that red. Jewellery covered every part of her body. Her ears, neck, hands, fingers, even her feet, were filled with rubies, diamonds, and many other things. And I knew she could not be a teacher. The teachers kept telling us, no valuables, no jewellery. A teacher would not be caught dead wearing such things to school.
I thought she was a parent, so I ignored her and continued with my questions, thinking to myself “she needs a bodyguard. In fact, she needs 20 bodyguards”. Seeing so much valuables literally draped around her. But as soon as she made herself comfortable, she gave me a slap. I glared at her and received another two in quick succession. I was seething inside. But I forced myself to remain calm and to keep my hands to myself. I was in school and giving her few slaps (what she richly deserves) would get me punished. But then, I could not concentrate. So I put my book into my bag and got up. She hit me again saying “you should tell me if you want to leave the table”. I could not resist. I said back, “##%%##%%##%%” She walked over and slapped me repeatedly saying “I am your mother and you will not call me such rude names” I thought that she must be mad because my mother is at work right now and could not be that crazy woman. I know how my mother looks like, and I was ready to call the mental hospital. I ran off to the food shop and got some tomato soup and cup corn (my usual meal). I walked back over to the table (where I left my bag), and smiled. I thought of a way to take my revenge.
I remembered how she seemed to be afraid of mud on the floor. So I tried to shock her like his. I sat down on the chair, and took a huge scoop of the corn, and then, for luck, I drank some of the tomato soup, I mixed it with the corn that was already in my mouth, and spread it all over my teeth. I waited for her to look at me, then I smiled at her, showing my teeth, mixed with the soup and corn, and letting it drip all over the table. As expected, she screamed, and eyes fluttering, about to faint. But I moved closer, and she seemed to awaken and rush to the nearest toilet. I certainly did not expect this, for she rushed into the male’s toilet. I could not try to get her out, because she went too fast. And when I reached the door, I heard some vomiting sounds.
That’s when a couple of boys came to the door. I tried to stop them, but they went in and pushed me away. After a few seconds, I heard loud yells from inside the door, and ran straight back to my seat. The three of them were running out of the toilet. The woman, I noticed, still had vomit dribbling from her mouth. And the cleaner ran after her, shouting obscenities. She then sat on a seat and began to weep, feeling ashamed. I felt a bit bad too.
I thought that the most surprising incident was over. But then, a boy went to her and called her “stepmother”. At the same time, my friends said to me “he looks like you”. And in that instant I no longer showed any pity for the woman who must have inflicted so much pain upon another child. When I went and stood beside him, her face showed open anger. She finally knew that she had been indulging her sadism on the wrong person. And she paid for it. The boy who looks like me was taking a beating, and there was only sadness in his eyes. How long had he been under her thumb, I wondered
And as for me, I was glad that I did what I did. Although I had to clean the table, I thought that it was worth it. But I was shocked at seeing such real cruelty.
After school, I saw the stepmother and the other boy again. She was hitting out at him. But I noticed the anger in his eyes and I knew that he would be in good hands, his own. I do not know why he suddenly decided to stand up for himself. But he did.
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Old 06-04-2008, 03:50 AM   #2
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Hey spork,

Just one simple thing will completely modify and improve your stories, you have to "show and not tell".

What does that mean? Well...the beauty of the internet is that one simple google search will give you millions of web pages with explanations and examples of how you are supposed to show us what is happening with descriptive language and not just tell us what is happening in your story. Once you get the hang of it, and you will, I am certain that your stories will be great.

Give it a try, just be patient...you wont regret it.

Good luck.
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